Blinded By Pain: FINISHED
by Valda
Summary: I’m hiding behind a smile, No one can see my tears, no one knows I have a dark past, no one see my scars. Rated for Cutting, purging and Rape. If you're going to read then review as well
1. So many TEARS of red

Underneath her gloves 

I'm hiding behind a smile, No one can see my tears, no one knows of my fears, no one knows I have a dark past, no one see my scars, they're hidden beneath my gloves. R&R

TT

She held her knife tightly, in such a grip it left marks in her skin, she shook in anticipation, she shook in determination and she shook in fear. Her gloves were left discarded on the floor, she knelt beside them in the darkness, her hair stuck to her skin as sweat covered her body like a sheet, and tears were threatening to fall as her lips trembled.

She flinched as she ran the knife across her skin, leaving a trail of blood behind it, her eyes widened as it slowly slid from her wrist onto her floor, red raw scars overlapped each other on each wrist, but her gloves were always left on. And on her face there was always a smile, no one saw what she was doing now, no one saw the lust to see her own blood gleaming in her eyes, even though she was terrified, and tears poured from the pain her knife caused.

Her hand shook as her ran the knife over again, she moaned with a mixture of pain and satisfaction, it was sick to look at, and it was hell to feel, but in her own way this was how she let it all out, she didn't take it out on games, or punch bags, or suppress it in meditation, for Starfire, this was the only way.

She switched hands and ran the knife over her other wrist, she bit her lip as she opened an old scar, she shut her eyes in determination not to cry out as she cut into an artery, she let out a shudder as heard the sound of skin breaking and blood vessels quietly bursting.

She stayed where was watching the blood slowly drip from her wrists…then as she watched it drip into her floor, she then heard it, foot steps, hers was the bedroom on this floor, the only reason anyone would come up here was to see her. She scrambled to her feet.

"Starfire?" A voice called hearing her shuffling as she looked for her gloves in a frenzy. Starfire stopped, it was Robin, he couldn't find her like this, and she found her gloves and pulled them over the cuts and the still oozing blood. Only then she opened the door.

"Friend Robin! What brings you to my resting quarters?" She asked breathing a little heavily.

"Are you ok? You seem a little…anxious." Robin said one side of his mask rising slightly in suspicion.

Starfire's gaze flickered to her gloves, luckily Robin's didn't follow. "There is nothing the matter with me Robin, I am…just feeling worn out my today's activities is all."

"Right…I was wondering, do you wanna come up on the roof with me? You know watch the, well the sundown." He stuttered slightly a small smile adorning his features.

Starfire's eyes widened, blood had started to seep from her glove, she moved her hands to rest behind her back, she would usually jump at the chance to watch the sun set, especially with Robin.

"I am sorry Robin, but I am feeling too worn out from today, we could maybe watch the sun up or tomorrows sun down yes?" Starfire lied rocking back and forth on her feet.

"Err…yeah sure." Robin replied looking a little crestfallen, and Starfire felt her heartstrings pull. "Tomorrow sounds…good. Make sure you rest yeah?"

"Of course." Starfire reassured him nodding vigorously.

Robin nodded, as he walked away Starfire let out a breath and moved away from the door and let it slide, she then hit the panel to lock it, a drop of blood dripped onto her wall and her eyes widened once more, she hurried into the small bathroom joined onto hers, she pulled on the roll of tissue paper and watched it roll out she tugged off her gloved and pressed it to her wrists.

Another close call, again no one found out, she was safe…for now.

TT

Next chapter will be MUCH longer. This is just the intro.

I AM NOT SUICIDAL I just want to make that clear, I don't promote cutting. This I'm writing to let out my depressing thoughts, I might be including poetry in this story, it won't be updated as much as my other story, but I'll make sure these ones are really long, if I can.

Luvz ya

Valda

X


	2. Even if inside you're DYING

**Underneath her gloves **

**I'm hiding behind a smile, No one can see my tears, no one knows of my fears, no one knows I have a dark past, no one see my scars, they're hidden beneath my gloves. R&R **

**Thanks for the reviews! **

**Answers: **

**RupertLover09****: lol no feel good music in this fic! Sorry, I advice you listen to something…like the band bullet for my valentine, now they kick as! Thanks! I'll try n check out your story when I can.**

**ChikWithTheBackwardsBooks****: I'm not exactly sure if this is going to have a good or bad ending, depends how depressed I'm feeling when I write it thanks! I'm glad it made your stomach squirm…it means I'm good!**

**skuller31****: Done! Done! Done!**

**Red Vixen****: She kind of wears gloves, in 'date with destiny' she pulls one off and it's a glove, I know they're more like wrist armor but underneath her gloves sound kind of cooler than underneath her wrist armor, don't you think? It's a kid's programme so I don't think it's true **

**Sersee Grayson****: Well when I'm depressed I write depressing stuff…so ta da! This is the outcome…man I'm depressed. Yeah in push it deep she died…sori! **

**crazyfrog****: BLESS THEM! I'm hoping for a moment if this depressing story will allow it! **

**Tiffany: I'm sure it would be good; you just need to write it first to see! Yeah I'm not suicidal really, just fairly depressed is all, yet I'm feeling quite bubbly today…strange huh?**

**Tears of Eternal Darkness****: I shall keep going! Thanks! **

**Kristy: Thank you for the compliments!**

**Banana fritz****: lol! Love you too!**

**Shadow: Thanks, I'm sorry about the long wait, but I can write this when I'm feeling depressed myself, and even though that's a lot it's hard to write this type of thing. **

**Kristy: Thanks I appreciate the support! **

**ShadowCatOfTheNight****: thanks I'll try!**

**I said that I'd try and add poetry, and I wrote one for this chapter! Go me!**

**TT**

_She walks out blood washed away,_

_Gloves on and smile in place,_

_Her wrist throbs but no cry escapes her lips,_

_So many years of practice has led to this,_

_All she wants is to scream and cry,_

_She needs to breathe, its peace she needs to find._

Starfire walked into her bedroom and went to her mirror, she taken a shower and her hair was now wavy and damp. She took her brush and tugged it through her hair roughly, it caring about it. She placed the brush down and looked at her reflection; her eyes looked empty, full of pain and hatred for the world.

She slowly shut her eyes, and thought of what it was like to be happy, and slowly when she opened her eyes they were bright and her skin glowing with their usual radiance, now with her mask in place. She was ready to face the day.

The door slid open as she neared and shut with a snap behind her, she walked down the corridor as normal, a smile in place and body posed to fly. She entered the main room to see Cyborg and Beastboy at the game station battling it out, and Raven sitting at the kitchen table a cup of herbal tea in one hand, a book in the other (my idea of the perfect morning!) Starfire read the title. _The completed works of Edgar Allen Poe. _(I love that dude.)

Starfire opened the refrigerator and grabbed an apple her hand passing the mustard. She sat opposite Raven with her usual smile, even though her cheek muscles were starting to hurt. But it was all part of the routine. Smile be happy, no one knows you any other way, don't change, don't be rejected.

Raven stared at Starfire for a moment before turning her attention to her herbal tea, no emotion flickering in her eyes, but inside, Raven was worried, she felt a disturbance within her alien friend, something she was hiding, and she didn't like it. She massaged the sides of the cup with her small hands feeling the warmth radiate on her hands. She needed to talk to her girl, but what was she to say?

Starfire chewed on her apple looking content and happy, her mask was working, her eyes looked around curiously, even though she wanted nothing more than to go into her room and sleep the day away until tonight…where she'd…purge herself once more.

Robin entered the room; he looked like he'd been working out, Starfire judged, a sheet of sweat covering his forehead, his hair hanging down in his eyes without his mountain of hair gel. Starfire's gaze moved back to the table, she didn't say anything; she wasn't in the mood for talking.

"Good morning titans." He said wiping his face in the neared towel. Cyborg and Beastboy didn't answer, the two were too engrossed with their game, and Raven gave him a look that clearly said 'yeah right.' And Starfire sighed inwardly, knowing it would have to be her.

"Good morning friend Robin, I trust your workout was successful yes?" Starfire said brightly placing her apple beside her. Robin gave her a smile.

"Yeah, same old you know." Robin answered sitting next to her after grabbing some of Cyborg's cooking, Beastboy's cooking left alone. Just as Robin lifted a piece of crispy bacon to his lips the titan alarm started to echo throughout the tower, Robin stood up knocking his stool back. "Titan's GO!"

TT

Starfire flew behind the others, Robin in front on his motorcycle, Beastboy just behind him in the form of a hawk, Cyborg sped behind in his car and Raven flew above him, Starfire trailed behind, hiding it hard to find the happy thoughts to power her flight. She they finally stopped, Starfire gratefully touched down on the ground and looked around her; they were in an empty loading dock, chains with large hooks on the end swayed dangerously in the wind, creaking wood echoed around the area, it looked deserted.

"What are we looking for?" Raven asked after looking around herself.

"Not sure." Robin answered going to stand near Raven. "It just said there was a disturbance."

Starfire stared at them together, something bubbling in her stomach. She'd felt it every time Robin and Raven were together, for some reason she was jealous even though Raven had told her about her desires of Beastboy it still hurt. She looked around the site once more, finding nothing she hugged her self as a gust of wind whipped around her.

"Please, may we go home now…I do not like this place?" Starfire said her teeth tattering slightly.

"Sorry Star. We need to have a better look around first." Robin said turning towards her, he then looked at the others. "Titans' split up."

Each titan went in a different direction. Starfire walked towards the hulking ship at lay abandoned. Starfire flew up onto its deck; the place was starting to scare her but as a titan she had to be brave. She carried on up the ship until she reached the driving station, buttons and levers looked stiff and rusted, the floor just the same. Then from behind she heard something move, she span around igniting a starbolt, there was nothing there.

She walked back down the deck with caution, her eyes examining everything the wind blew. Then suddenly she felt something hit her back, she hit the floor hard, she turned her head to see Slade standing above her, her eyes widened. She scrambled to her feet.

"What are you doing here Slade?" Starfire inquired starbolts ready incase he tried anything.

"I merely want to catch up with my old enemies." He purred placing his hands on his hips, his eye gleaming. Starfire turned, intending to alert her friends, but before she could call out she felt hands grab her. Slade pulled her towards him, a hand around her waist, the other over her mouth, she was facing away from him, so her blasts were useless, and her strength abandoned her, or he was too strong. He chuckled in her ear and she visibly flinched.

Aware her feet weren't touching the ground she struggled, but his arms squeezed her waist and she gave a cry of pain. "Don't move." He whispered in her ear, she felt his hot breath and she shuddered. He then moved towards the edge of the ship. Starfire didn't see her friends. But Slade would soon change that.

There was an explosion from one of the warehouses and each titan came running from where they had been, Robin swinging down last in front of them pulling back his grappling hook.

"Over here titans." Slade called to them. They all turned and Starfire struggled again so he gave her another squeeze, tears welled up in her eyes at his strength.

"Starfire!" Robin shouted a mix of anger and fear in his voice.

"Leave her alone!" Beastboy growled. Slade laughed again, louder so the titans could hear, fire blazed from the explosion but the titans merely stared at their friend and then their enemy.

"What do you want Slade." Robin snarled stepping forward.

Slade's laughter died down. "Just to show you I'm back titans, I haven't got anything planned for today."

"Then let Starfire go!" Raven said darkly. Starfire then kicked Slade in the leg, he let out a cry of surprise and titans leapt forward, Slade soon recovered and grabbed Starfire's wrists hard. Starfire cried out as he squeezed her scars painfully. Tears poured from her eyes, Starfire's back was the titans, they froze at her cry of pain, all worried that he'd hurt her if they moved.

"What's this?" Slade whispered, the others couldn't hear him but Starfire's eyes widened. He reached for her gloves and she struggled again but another painful squeeze stopped her. He pulled up the end of her wrists guards and for a moment surprise leapt into his eyes as he saw her ugly scars, crossing over each other and bleeding from the pressure he was applying. He let her glove fall back to place then again and stared at her.

"It's always the one you least expect." He whispered. He then threw Starfire from the ship, the titan's attention was grabbed by this and Slade made his getaway. Robin caught her and placed her on her feet, she rubbed her wrists, also wiping away the stray blood that seeped through her gloves.

"Star are you ok?" Robin asked masked eyes full of concern.

"I'm fine." She whispered.

TT

**I'm so ashamed! It's so short! And it took so long…and it's probably bad too! You see I need to be feeling depressed and in the mood to write to update this and sadly I've been feeling pretty gd lately! I'll try to update faster and better, there wasn't any…cutting in this chapter either.**

**Oh I'll be putting this in every chapter, like a disclaimer:  
I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING IN ANY WAY**


	3. A razor: the PERFECT weapon

**Underneath her gloves **

**I'm hiding behind a smile, No one can see my tears, no one knows of my fears, no one knows I have a dark past, no one see my scars, they're hidden beneath my gloves. R&R **

**Dedication: Rock'n'rollbitch. You're amazing! **

**Recommended story: my one-shots, if like this, then you'll love them. **

**Recommended music and listened to while writing:**

**Bullet for my valentine- all their music**

**Scary kids scaring kids- faith in the knife**

**Funeral for a friend- red is the new black**

**God smack- I fucking hate you**

**Sum 41- Hell song**

**HIM- Wings of a butterfly  
they all kick ass! You should download ALL their songs.**

**Thanks for the reviews! I appreciate every one. **

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING IN ANY WAY**

**Plus, I go into a lot of detail in this chapter, if your squeamish, you might not like it…if you love the detail, then enjoy.**

**TT**

First chapter:

In her room she sits alone,

Cutting so deep she can feel the bone,

In the darkness of pain she shudders,

Everyone has a way to escape and this is hers,

Everything's dark, she starts to feel faint,

She's too tainted by this, she knows her fate.

Second chapter:

Later on she walks out blood washed away,

Sleeves down and smile in place,

Her wrist throbs but no cry escapes her lips,

So many months of practice has led to this,

All she wants is to scream and cry,

She needs to breathe, its peace she needs to find.

**Say happy and optimistic things,**

**Flash a smile that always wins,**

**Even if inside your dying,**

**At least on the outside you're flying,**

**Flying through the sky, eyes clouded by rain, **

**She can't see anymore, her eyes are clouded by pain. **

When they got back to the tower Starfire ran up to her room, locked the door and tore off her gloves, not realizing the cry of pain which escaped her lips, blood soaked her arms and her gloves, it dripped onto her carpeted floor and was absorbed into it's fabric. She slid to her knees breathing deeply, not caring about the stains that would be left she closed her eyes.

Her mind was going to fast for her to catch, trains of thought zoomed past her, not letting her understand their words. She was afraid, so afraid, someone knew about her, and not just anyone, it was Slade! Her worst enemy held her head in her hands, so frustrated, too many emotions were flying around her, fear, anger, and despair all hit each other.

Slowly she brought up her gaze, her face stained red from her bleeding wrists. She stood up slowly and walked to her dresser and removed her mirror, behind it was her sanctuary, her freedom, her curse, her escape. All these things lay in a single razor. Her knife was hidden; her razor was perfect for how she was feeling now.

_The perfect weapon_

It was the perfect weapon, she learned that long ago.

_For you only need one._

She held the small object in her thin fingers; they shook slightly in anticipation and in fear. She raised her still bleeding wrist, her breath coming out forced. Then with her back to the door, facing her mirror, her mirror reflecting her lust for the razor.

_You only need one_

Her teeth slammed together as she slowly dragged the razor along her scared skin. She heard her already bleed cuts burst open, more than before, her eyes shut tightly with the pain she ran it up to where her gloved ended, she then lifted the razor from her now red skin, blood poured freely as if fleeing from her in fear of more abuse of the razor.

_The perfect weapon_

She turned to the other arm, swapping the razor to the other hand, her muscles screamed in protest as she looked upon her other wrist in hunger, she took a faster swipe this time, and repeated the motion, her skin ripped open on command, skin that was still healing split easily, the cold pain shot through her body, and she threw her head back in protest of pain, she had to let it out, soon enough, she felt her fear leave, and she felt more bold.

Another swipe made sure the despair dripped onto her red floor, she took more swipes, eager for her anger to leave her in the most painful manner. She dropped to her knees, still cutting through her torn up skin, she gritted her teeth and felt her anger seep out.

So.Much.anger

She dropped her razor as it left her; she collapsed on to the floor dropping her razor as she fell. She thought she'd driven the fear away, she thought she'd chased away the despair, she thought her anger lay on the floor. When really…she'd only drowned them in pain.

_The perfect weapon, the razor for you only need one. _

Who had told her these words, she insane words that only someone in her position would believe, that was easy, it was him, the one who destroyed, he tore her apart more than any razor or knife. She hated him yet feared him above all else, he'd destroyed her soul, taken the glow; her glow had been stolen long before her time with the titans.

_She lay curled up in a ball, tears leaked from her eyes, they still held her innocent sparkle, she thought this was the worse it could get, she had no idea what was to come. She was twelve here, still innocent, still pure, just alone. She heard the swishing of her cell door opening. And a deep chuckle came from one of her captors. _

_Don't look up_

_Keep your head down_

_And they won't hurt you_

_She'd believed that, her sister told her that before she was taken away, she heard her sister had escaped, yet here she still was, lying in a cold cell of the space center, she'd only seen part of the massive ship, her cell and of course…the lab._

_She heard footsteps approach her cold body, her short infirmary gown not covering her much at all, not protecting her from the cold, or their stares. She didn't understand why they looked at her in that way, she was too young, too naïve, too innocent. One then roughly pulled her up by her long dirty red hair and dragged her off of her feet. She whimpered terrified as his disgusting face leered at her, she let him stare, not wanting to aggravate him in any way. _

"_Hello little alien." He hissed in his disgusting language, she didn't look at him; she kept her gaze down at her feet. He trailed a sharp black nail along her chin and lifted her face to meet his red eyes. She looked at him fearfully. "I'm sure you heard about your sister, flying off like that."_

"_I…am sorry for her actions." She whispered tears welling up in her large green eyes. _

"_I'm sure you are little one, I'm sure…but you see someone has to be punished for her crime." He sneered taking in her small, fragile looking body. Starfire let her tears fall now, knowing it was her they were going to punish. She'd probably receive a beating, or an extra bad session in the lab. _

_He then dropped her roughly, she hit the floor on her back, but before she could raise herself off of the floor he jumped on top of her. She struggled underneath his massive body, she screamed long and hard, so in reply she hit her hard in the face with his scaled hand, she was knocked back, her head hitting the ground hard, stars danced in front of her eyes, and she cried harder, not understanding what was going on. _

_She then felt him run his hands along her body in a manner she did not like at all, she struggled harder so he pushed her shoulders down and held her there, she stopped struggling in fear of him, so he ran his fingers along her body again, she shut her eyes in disgust and anger, she then screamed harder and louder than ever before as he ripped her small gown off her small body, he wouldn't open her eyes, so she didn't see what he did next, she could only scream and cry as he tore her innocence apart. _

Starfire lifted her body from the floor so fast she hit her back on her dresser, tears were pouring down her face, wondering why she was still alive she looked down at her wrists and found only scars remained, her arms were clean, as was her floor, in confusion she looked around her room. Everything was in its usual place…apart form one thing.

Raven was standing in the corner.

_Starfire lay once more on the cold floor; it had been weeks since her…there was only one thing she could call it…rape. Her innocence had been ripped to shreds, along with her. She saw things differently now, no longer was she hopeful for returning to Tameran, no longer was she hopeful of her sister coming to rescue her. She felt disgusted that she was touched be that…thing. Right after that they'd tested on her again. They all started yelling and shouting, saying they'd made a huge break through. Tomorrow they were meant to test her new abilities, but she didn't understand as usual, she felt no different. _

_She heard breathing from the cell next to hers, she heard them whisper something to her, and she didn't hear exactly what they said so she crawled to the wall and listened. _

"_Are you alright?" She called softly as to not alert the guards. _

"_Yeah…just excited." They muttered back. Starfire frowned. _

"_What is there to be excited about?" _

"_I found something…something great." They whispered through the thin wall. _

"_Oh?" Starfire replied now curious. _

"_Yeah…it's a razor." _

"_Why is that good? Razors can harm you." Starfire whispered. _

"_That's the point, it's the perfect weapon." They chuckled softly to themselves. "You only need one." They then started to laugh again, only louder and more hysterical, feeling slightly scared she scooted away from the wall, curled up in a ball again and laid her head on the floor. _

_The doors of her cell swished open and her eyes flew open as she smelt the familiar scent of him, she curled up tighter, hugging her knees desperately, she wanted to disappear, she needed to fade. _

"_Hey little alien." He hissed, she flinched at the sound of his voice, she felt his footsteps vibrate on the floor, she scooted nearer the wall in desperation, she wished for the floor to swallow her up desperately. She turned her body over with his foot and she scrambled away from him as fast as she could, she wish now more than ever she could fly but her mind was to clouded to obey, her emotions too dark to feel her unbridled joy. _

_He approached her so she backed up until she hit the wall, terrified as she approached. "Leave me alone!" She cried as he reached out for her. _

_He laughed cruelly. "Why should I? You're nothing but an experiment, I could rip you to pieces and no one would care, your own sister left you, all you are is an object until we're done with you, then we'll probably get rid of you." _

_Starfire felt anger bubble up inside her as his words were thrown at her, she felt hurt but her anger over took it by much more, she felt her fists clench, she didn't hurt people but right now her wanted to wrap her small hands around his neck and squeeze the life out of the monster. She felt her body start to warm up for some reason, her eyes then started to glow a bright green, the Psion stopped talking to stare as her hands glowed the same radiant colour. _

_She then threw her hand out and the monster was thrown back by the force, anger fuelling her she threw orb after orb of burning light, she stepped forward as she carried on with her barrage of light. He screamed out for mercy but her ears heard nothing, soon nothing came from him, she stopped and saw his burnt dead body in front of her…she'd killed him. _

_She ran to the wall of her cell, grabbed the hard metal and pulled with a mighty cry, she ripped the wall off completely so it revealed the empty mass of space, she jumped out, falling through space, still not able to fly…but as least she was free, with a price._

_TT_

**Now review lots and lots! **

**I'm glad I started this; I was looking around the other day and found that all of the cutting stories on here are about Raven; could people really go for the anymore obvious?**

**Luvz ya**

**Valda**

**X**


	4. Expelling the IMPURITIES

**Blinded by the pain**

**Ok, I'm sorry if the last chapter offended anyone, but this story is rated, and if you don't like it, then you should leave, because this story is dark and depressing, very much like the world. If you don't like it, then I'm wondering why you started reading in the first place.**

**I've renamed the story, because I thought of something to expand on. Sorry if it bothers anyone. **

**Heya guys, thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate them and I have something to back up my theory, someone who cuts is the person who you really least expect, a person who cuts hides their scars, and their pain. And I know this first hand, so this chapter it dedicated to a friend of mine, his name's Tom, he hides, and he fights. And Tom…DON'T DYE YOUR HAIR!**

**I got a review saying that Raven _is_ the most likely to cut…well can I just say for the record, that's not _entirely_ true. Yes, Raven is kind of likely to cut because of not being able to feel and stuff, but if people assume because she's 'gothic' she cuts then you need to rethink things. If you know what it's like to feel depression and the need to cut a lot of people who actually do don't act depressed because they hide behind a 'mask' and they pretend to be happy because they don't want people to worry, and they don't want people to know they have a past or troubles. Sound like anyone? Sorry, but I needed to get that off my chest.**

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM**

**Plus a message for flamers, I'd appreciate if you put your own message to flamers on your story or profile.**

**I'm sending this message about the whole flaming problem that Fanfiction seems to have, we've been talking about it and we think there should be something done about it.**

**So we'd like it if on your next chapter or story you put a message before or after it. Saying about your dislike (or hatred) for all flamers and that they should have no place on here, and bashers also. Any message will do, make it a ramble if you must! We just want something done, maybe if we discourage all flaming and bashing enough it'll stop. Especially influential authors who have a lot of readers, but even if you only have one; at least they'll get the message. We don't like all the pairings on FF but at least we respect them…most of the time. So…Help us by stopping flaming and bashing!**

**Thanks**

**Valda & D-I-WaRrIa**

**Remember to review!**

**Recommended song…room 409, Bullet for my Valentine. Or suffocating under words of sorrow. Or all these things I hate (revolve around me). **

**TT**

_The smile fades, everyone is worried but you don't care,_

_As long as they don't know you can take their stares,_

_You can evade questions and walk away, _

_This is how you're making them pay,_

_They're paying for all the hurt they've cause you, _

_But you know it's you who's paying too. _

TT

Raven stood in the corner, cloak covering her thin body, her skin paler than usual, but her eyes remained calm. She stared at Starfire silently, not shouting, crying, and asking questions…

She never did

Raven simply walked over to Starfire and stared her down, her dark eyes letting no feelings escape them, and the ghost of a soul lay dormant behind Raven's eyes, her window. Starfire and Raven stared at each other, knowing, caring, and understanding.

"You did it again." Raven stated. There was a silence. Starfire didn't answer the question; she knew Raven wasn't looking for one. "You said you wouldn't."

"So did you."

"I felt the need to purge."

"So did I." Starfire finished, a frown gracing her features. Raven's eyes narrowed slightly. Her eyes being the only features visible, and she even tried to hide them. Starfire gazed at her wrists again, Raven's handiwork only went so far on her skin, lines and a few scars remained. But Raven couldn't heal of what she did to herself.

_Purge_

To purge, to expel impurities from something…or someone, Raven's covered body was a clue in itself. Raven didn't bleed…she purged. Unhappy with herself in many ways.

Raven looked upon pictures, people with long blonde or brown or red hair, normal skin, tanned, or dark, their normal bright eyes, their beautiful bodies…and then she looked upon herself, grey skin, short purple hair, violet eyes, and to her, her disgusting body. Raven thought that her disgusting soul made her disgusting in all ways. She didn't notice her beauty anymore; Starfire doubted she even saw what everyone else saw anymore.

If we were to look through Raven's eyes you'd see rough grey dirty skin, and no matter how hard she scrubbed it clean it would never rub off, she'd rub so hard it would turn red, skin would start to peel but all she can see is the dirt pilling up. She thinks her body is disproportioned and ugly, not seeing her perfect curves, only the fat oozing. Her hair to her is greasy and lank, and her eyes are red, and full of impurity. She wants to rid herself of the ugliness, trying to at least get rid of the fat.

_Her cloak was abandoned on the bathroom floor, tears fall down her cheeks as she kneels in front of the toilet, her mouth feels sore, and hot, she can't do it again…she looks down at herself, her ugly body stares back at her, leering at her. Screaming with impurity_

_She takes a deep breath and grips the toilet with one hand, the other hand wipes a strand of greasy hair away from her face, and it then mouths towards her mouth. Two fingers are pushed to the back of her throat, she retches, her eyes widening as she feels the bile rise. The stomach acid burns in her; she removes her hand and squeezed her eyes shut as she purged herself…again._

"When did you do it last?" Starfire asked quietly. Raven flinched visibly, her frail body shook under her cloak.

"Last night." She whispered. Starfire couldn't see Raven's face, but she could see the veiled pain behind her eyes, no matter how hard she tried, Raven couldn't fully hide her feelings. "What's wrong with us?"

Starfire sighed, "We're blinded by our pain."

Raven nodded in answer, she already knew the answer to the question she asked.

TT

Starfire walked into the main room, Raven had retreated into her own room, Starfire didn't want to picture what the purple haired girl was doing, but it wasn't like she was much better. She walked over to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water; no one was in the room, so she let her smile fall, the gleam in her eyes faded instantly. She sighed thoughtfully.

Her and Raven were polar opposites yet they somehow ended up in the exact same type of problem. Self harm. What was worse about Starfire's case and she knew it was true, was that she _knew _she had a problem, but she refused to tell anyone, she refused to let the scars heal, she refused to stop the razor running up and down her arm, almost circulating like the blood that leaked from her open cuts.

Suddenly the alarm screamed to life, lights flashing around her, she watched the other titan's run in, Raven took her time, making sure her cloak covered all her body carefully, her face completely hidden from the world around her. But as Starfire looked closely she could see the redness of her eyes, she'd been crying, probably forcing every ounce of food she'd eaten that day. Robin ran past her to the computer, typed furiously for a moment before turning to them all.

"Big trouble downtown…TITANS GO!"

TT

A scream ripped through the rundown side of Jump city, the side people avoided, well most people. But the inhabitants of Downtown Jump were mainly the poor, the needy, the criminals and the sickos that prowled the streets. The Titans' heard it and followed the sound like leaves follow a gust of wind. The Titan's had just busted up a big drug party that had been situated in one of the abandoned offices, but many had ran, so there were a few drugged up thugs running around and now the Titans had to track them down.

Starfire flew through the air, concentrating on keeping herself up, this was what she always did, and she cursed her race for making her powers emotion based. She landed on the ground next to Robin's R-cycle as he climbed off it. He motioned for them all to be silent as another scream pierced the night air. He then made a slashing movement and they ran into the ally way.

Starfire froze.

There was a group of men, all looking merry off alcohol and drugs no doubt. One of the men, most likely the leader was straddling a poor woman; Starfire guessed what had happened here tonight and she felt so many feelings and memories hit her, harder then any razor could. She was obviously the one who had screamed murder. The criminals turned to look at the Titans. The leader climbed off the woman and pulled up and pulled her to him, tears streamed down the woman's face, her pale face glowing with fear.

"Let her go!" Robin commanded. The leader grinned.

"But I haven't let my friends have ago yet." He sneered. "Maybe one of your girls wants to swap with her?" He suggested, turning his gaze onto Starfire, who remained frozen to the spot, still staring at the place where the man had had the woman a moment ago.

Robin's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Titans! Take them down!"

The boy's leapt forward with pleasure; Raven floated forward, her eyes filled with anger at the man's suggestion, mostly disbelief. What man would want something like Raven? Even if he was a desperate criminal. But Starfire couldn't will herself to move. Voices filled her head, pains filled her body and once again she was overflowed. Once again she felt the need. And she was in the cell again. Her righteous fury left her, her confidence went with it and her happiness? It was never there to begin with.

Suddenly she felt hands grab her, her eyes widened. She was roughly turned to face the leader of the group, his eyes filled with lust as he looked at Starfire hungrily. Starfire was still frozen. She wanted to move, she wanted to fight, she wanted to. But her body wouldn't do what she asked.

"You know, innocent girl's like you shouldn't come down here." He purred maliciously. She pushed her against the wall. But Starfire didn't even feel it. She was in the past. The door opened, the monster appeared, and he pushed her to the floor and pain ripped through her body.

_MOVE STARFIRE_

The leader grabbed her by her hair and crushed his lips against hers, and only then did Starfire snap back to reality. He forced his tongue inside her mouth as she assaulted her. She felt tears fall down her face as he crushed her body to the wall, her powers no where to be seen. His other hand traced her breasts and she cringed. It was going to happen again…and all because she was too weak to stop it.

One of his knees nudged her legs apart, his mouth still crushing hers, she felt her lips split and blood fell onto her and her attacker, but all this seemed to do was encourage him and he grabbed her throat and squeezed slightly. Where were the other titans? Starfire tried to push him away, but without her powers she was nothing, the hand on her throat moved and forced her hands above her head. Starfire screamed into his mouth, praying to get the other titan's attention, anyone's attention would suffice at that moment.

She then faintly heard bullet shots all around her, that was why no one knew what the man was doing, they were busy with the thugs, they were to busy to help her, they were to busy to save her from his rapist. She heard a distant cry of pain; she screamed into his mouth again, it tasted like alcohol and something she didn't recognize. This man was going to rape her…

And no one could stop it.

TT

**I told you it was rated. I freaked myself out with this chapter, I've never written anything close to rape, I'm not comfortable with things like that, come one, who is. But this is the sort of thing I was told by someone who was raped, and it is that horrible. I'm sorry if I upset anyone. I've upset myself if anything. **

**Please tell me what you think**

**Valda**

**X**


	5. Ripped to SHREDS

**Blinded by the pain**

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM**

**Plus a message for flamers, I'd appreciate if you put your own message to flamers on your story or profile.**

**I'm sending this message about the whole flaming problem that Fanfiction seems to have, we've been talking about it and we think there should be something done about it.**

**So we'd like it if on your next chapter or story you put a message before or after it. Saying about your dislike (or hatred) for all flamers and that they should have no place on here, and bashers also. Any message will do, make it a ramble if you must! We just want something done, maybe if we discourage all flaming and bashing enough it'll stop. **

**Especially influential authors who have a lot of readers, but even if you only have one; at least they'll get the message. We don't like all the pairings on FF but at least we respect them…most of the time. So…Help us by stopping flaming and bashing!**

**Thanks**

**Valda & D-I-WaRrIa**

**This chapter is graphic in ways a lot of people would be offended, so be cautious! Very cautious **

**TT**

Robin attacked the thugs viciously and without mercy, if there was one thing he didn't have any mercy for it was sick people like this. He punched one wielding a glass bottle in the nose, and Robin heard a sickening crack as the nose broke, blood spurted from the criminals nose as he cried in pain, Robin kicked him away and he fell in a load of trash.

Robin looked around him to his teammates; Cyborg and Beastboy were double teaming a group of the thugs. While Raven looked dangerous as she threw the thugs easily, without a ripple of her cloak, only her glowing eyes showing she was doing anything at all. Robin then noticed something…Starfire was no where to be found. As the other titans finished their load and turned to Robin for further instruction.

"What now?" Cyborg asked after he and Beastboy gave each other high fives.

"Team, find Starfire, she's missing. And considering where we are, I don't like it." Robin ordered, a frown gracing his mask.

"Don't worry Rob, we'll find her, besides, she kicks butt!" Beastboy said saluting the boy wonder. As the titans split up Raven stayed where she was…she did not like this one bit.

**TT**

**Everyone, I had help from D-I-WaRrIa's help on this bit, she's an amazing author and friend, and I advise you read her work. I wasn't too comfortable with this scene, so she wrote a lot of it for me and I added a load and changed a few tiny things. Everyone applaud and love her!**

**TT**

Starfire whimpered into her captor's mouth as he grasped her top and ripped it away forcefully. She felt so violated, even more so than before. Before she didn't fully comprehend what was going on, but now she knew what his intentions were; now she knew the pain that would come. Now she knew reality.

The thugs grasped her hips and pulled her to bang against him, she flinched as she felt his manhood against her skirt, he bit hard on her lip and she her breath hitched in pain. Hands moved around her body, it was as if he was taking in everything, knowing this was some great privilege, he was taking a titan. She one of his hands grasp her breast and explore it, she couldn't even comprehend the disgust she felt right now. She wanted to kick him away, but she couldn't, she was too weak to stop him and she was too weak to fight.

Her breathing pace quicken as her muscles tensed in fear. The vulgar taste of alcohol still lingering in her mouth, too weak to scream out for help, wallowing in her own self-pity. Though she promised Raven she wouldn't do it again...She couldn't help but be knocked back into her mental alter ego of darkness and mystery...that included old habits...old habits...die hard.

She could have died just now. This perverts disgusting, unclean hands roaming all over her body in a plight for gratification. Occasionally his chapped lips would wonder around her ample breast, sometimes lower than should be put forth. And yet, the worst wasn't over. Hearing him sneer all over her, her auditory senses clouded with the persistent voice in her ear to fight, she almost missed the call of her name...'Robin' she thought down-heartedly.

She tried to croak a response, but her assailant wouldn't have any of it... Impatiently, he threw her to the ground, making a few glass bottles shatter and spray onto her bare back. She felt shards of glass cut into her skin painfully, but she'd been through all this pain before. She tried to crawl away but he crushed her body with his own, the glass cut in worse than before, she saw his leering face before his lips flattened against her bruised ones. She heard the faint unzipping on his trousers, he then grunted and she screamed against him as she felt him enter her forcefully. Sweat and blood mingled as he pulled in and out. She cried hard, pain ripping through her.

Mentally, she pictured her future...her funeral was all she could see. A flash of unwanted colors flooded into her train of thought as she felt the brunt of this stranger's manhood probing at her limits. Her mouth dried rapidly. Her lack of lubrication in her genital area proved to be her down fall, making the process for her more unbearable than necessary...the man grunted as he moved forcefully, demanding all that she could offer. Her salt water crystals fell like waterfalls as he continued to pummel into her.

Before he could make another thrust, he had been ripped away from her shamefully slender body, leaving her open to her unforgiving night air. A velvet-to-the-touch titanium material nestled its way over her figure with two pairs of strong arms hauling her up. Though she may be as far away from her attacker as possible...there was no way in reality that she was away from him in the confides of her mind.

Cyborg gathered the girl in his arms, her breathing came out in sharp gasps, as sweat and tears mixed together on her body, she was covered in a mix of sweat, tears and blood. He felt tears prick at his eyes as she whimpered, her eyes shut tight in a red raw pain that was ripping her lower body to pieces.

He looked to the others, Raven stood there thunderstruck, her eyes showing emotion for the first time in along time. Beastboy had run off, to disgusted and upset, he left greener than usual, no doubt he was coughing up his tofu. As for Robin…the bastard who hurt Star was receiving a world of pain, and none of the titans tried to stop him as he beat the thug senseless, but Robin wouldn't let the bastard loose consciousness, he kept hitting his chest, arms and legs, bruising every time.

Robin was beyond reason; he didn't even hear the advancing police, all he could hear were the cries of pain coming for the rapist, as he beat the life out of him. He only came to his senses when several police officers were wrenching him off him. Robin struggled, shouting and cursing at the bloodied bastard on the ground. Robin had never wanted to kill as much as he did now.

_He raped Starfire…RAPED…she was innocence, and this fucking bastard ripped it away from her! I'll kill him…I'LL KILL HIM!_

Robin tore from the officers and lunged at the thug, he saw the thug's eyes widen.

"DON'T YOU DARE SCREAM FOR MERCY YOU BASTARD! YOU RAPED HER! YOU PRATICALLY TORE HER TO SHREDS AND NOW I WANT TO RETURN THE FUCKING FAVOUR!"

The officers leapt forward to restrain him; Robin yelled out and kicked the thug in the head, knocking him unconscious. Robin then let himself be led away from the scene. Never, had anyone seen Robin loose it like that. Raven approached Starfire and Cyborg.

"We need to get her away from here _now_." Raven instructed. Cyborg nodded in response. Raven walked ahead of them, trying to hide the tears that were crawling down her face.

"She's not going to be the same is she?" Cyborg asked.

Raven waited a moment before answering.

"No."

TT

Raven shed her cloak once she was safe in her room once more. She tried to wipe away the tears, but more replaced them. She paced her room wildly. Starfire had been taken to the infirmary, Raven had to clean her up, obviously, but she told the boys she needed a minute alone.

All the titans were shaken up over this. Robin was seething; he only just escaped arrest himself. Beastboy was not used to seeing this type of thing, and she couldn't blame him for being sickened, she was beyond sickened at this point. Cyborg was pretending to be strong, but Raven could see the pain and tears prick at his eyes as he laid the fragile girl into bed lined with white sheets.

Starfire was awake, the titans knew that, she just wouldn't open her eyes, she couldn't being herself to look at the world, she couldn't being herself to look her friends in the faces, she couldn't live knowing she was more tainted than before. Raven knew what Starfire would want to do, but there was no way she'd let her cut herself up.

But first, Raven's eyes clouded over, she needed to purge.

TT

Cyborg, Beastboy and Robin stood just outside the infirmary, waiting for Raven, Robin paced, still feeling mad with anger. His eyes were narrowed into slits. Beastboy was pale and looked upset, while Cyborg wore no emotion at all, unable to in fear of crying over his friend. The swishing of the door alerted them of Raven's presence, she was completely hidden within her cloak.

"Err…Raven?" Beastboy said hesitantly. She looked at him, her eyes shadowed. "Did you get a…um…a bigger cloak?"

Raven didn't answer, she turned from the boys and walked silently to the infirmary door, placing her small hand on the pad, there was a beeping sound as the door admitted her entrance, she stepped forward, letting shit with a resounding snap. The boys exchanged looks.

Beastboy scratched his head. "Was it something I said?"

Raven sighed deeply after knowing the door was closed, she approached the shaking huddle of sheets that was presumably Starfire. Raven didn't know what to do or say. She cleared her throat, but Starfire seemed to ignore her completely.

"Starfire?" Raven whispered. A gasp escaped the pile of sheets, letting Raven know Starfire was there. "Starfire?" She repeated. "Please say something."

There was another shuddering gasp.

"It hurts to talk Raven." She whispered, voice sounding defeated, dead. "It…hurts."

Raven walked up to her, sitting on the edge of the bed, obviously this was a bad move, for Starfire shot up, in a blind panic, her eyes huge and fearful. Raven leapt from the bed, trying to keep her cloak in place at all times. Starfire was filthy, he looked almost crazy, and she clutched the blankets like a shield, her hair in disarray, her body covered in different substances.

"Keep away!" She shrieked, tears threatening to fall once again. "Do not touch me…LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Raven then noticed, Starfire wasn't looking at her at all, her eyes were glazed over, she was staring past her. Raven approached the shaking girl with caution. A voice sounded from the door.

"Do you need some help Raven?" It was Beastboy.

"Let me in!" That was Robin.

"I don't think she can handle us at the moment Robin, leave her alone."

"I don't care!"

"Robin!" Raven's voice rose dangerously, Starfire fell forward, hiding in the sheets at the sound of her angry voice. "If you care for Starfire at all, you _will not_ enter."

There was a silence. Raven took this as her cue. She approached Starfire, trying not to alert her of her presence. Suddenly Starfire shot up again, she screamed. She screamed so hard, Raven flinched, Raven felt her ears ring at the sound, Starfire was obviously lost in a memory, a painful memory, and Raven guessed she was reliving the events of tonight. Raven felt tears prick at her eyes.

_Why Starfire? _

Raven then moved fast, she reached forward and touched Starfire's forehead, the girl's eyes shot open in shock, suddenly her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell back completely unconscious. Raven slumped to the floor beside the bed, breathing deeply. Visions flashed through her mind, just snippets.

_She switched hands and ran the knife over her other wrist, she bit her lip as she opened an old scar, she shut her eyes in determination not to cry out as she cut into an artery, she let out a shudder as heard the sound of skin breaking and blood vessels quietly bursting._

_FLASH_

"_What's this?" Slade whispered, the others couldn't hear him but Starfire's eyes widened. He reached for her gloves and she struggled again but another painful squeeze stopped her. He pulled up the end of her wrists guards and for a moment surprise leapt into his eyes as he saw her ugly scars, crossing over each other and bleeding from the pressure he was applying. He let her glove fall back to place then again and stared at her._

"_It's always the one you least expect." _

_FLASH_

"_Yeah…it's a razor." _

"_Why is that good? Razors can harm you." Starfire whispered. _

"_That's the point, it's the perfect weapon." They chuckled softly to themselves. "You only need one." They then started to laugh again, only louder and more hysterical, feeling slightly scared she scooted away from the wall, curled up in a ball again and laid her head on the floor. _

_The doors of her cell swished open and her eyes flew open as she smelt the familiar scent of him, she curled up tighter, hugging her knees desperately, she wanted to disappear, she needed to fade. _

"_Hey little alien." He hissed_

_FLASH_

_Her mouth dried rapidly. Her lack of lubrication in her genital area proved to be her down fall, making the process for her more unbearable than necessary...the man grunted as he moved forcefully, demanding all that she could offer._

_**FLASH**_

Raven's eyes shot open, her hood falling down, showing her bony face, her eyes popping in alarm and she did the only thing she could…

She screamed

She then felt herself being shaken roughly by the shoulders; she snapped back to herself, she took a shuddering breath. She'd felt it all, she felt as though the thug had been pummeling into her, she'd felt the blood pour, she'd felt Slade's hands wrapped around her wrists. Her eyes slowly focused, she looked into Beastboy's worried eyes. His eyes were wide as he looked at her face, taking every bone that her skin stuck to, having no meat or fat to cushion it anymore.

"Raven…"

Robin wrapped Starfire's form in more blankets, she hadn't been cleaned up, even in unconsciousness she looked like she was in pain, she looked terrible, and he felt every bit of guilt fall onto his shoulders. She was part of his team and he'd failed her, he didn't protect her.

"Starfire, I'm so sorry."

Somehow, Starfire heard those words, and they only pained her more, they brought words into her head, dark words.

_I feel myself slip into slumber,_

_Don't wake me up._

_Slumber of darkness, of nightmares,_

_Don't wake me up._

_For to long life hasn't been fair._

_So don't wake me up._

_Leave me shivering on the cold floor,_

_Don't wake me up._

_I don't want a blanket to chase away the cold,_

_Don't wake me up._

_I want the nothingness of sleep to unfold,_

_So don't wake me up._

_Let my skin slowly pale,_

_Don't wake me up._

_Let my mind slowly slip away,_

_Don't wake me up, _

_I never want to see the light of day,_

_So don't wake me up._

TT

**MY GOD! **

**Another chapter done! Again everyone applaud D-I-WaRrIa for her help and applaud her amazing writing skills! APPLAUD! **

**I'd really appreciate a lot of reviews for this chapter! I do look at the hits, and there are a lot more of those than there are of review, I'm a review junkie, I'm already on a diet FEED ME GOD DAMN IT!**

**Okay…I'm done.**

**Luvz ya**

**Valda**

**X**


	6. Bleeding in UNISON

**Blinded by the pain**

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM**

**FLAMING AND BASHING IS BAD! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL BASH YOU! BWAHA!**

**Thanks for all the reviews! I love you all! Now to clear some questions…**

**Am I a professional writer? I wish I gotta say! Nah, I'm just a fifteen year old girl from Britain who writes who must have issues cause I write this stuff! I worry myself writing it!**

**I wish Star could show some affection to Robin…but I reeeeally don't think she'll be in the mood to in this story to be honest, maybe though.**

**I wish this was on everyone's favourite list! I really do! But I don't think everyone enjoys morbid writings of this type.**

**I am sorry to say there won't be any star/rob lemonies! Lol **

**Yes, yes I did write this, I am the type of person to write this sort of thing…damn me**

**EVERYONE loves it when Robin goes loco its like 'hehe that dudes gone nuts! WhOoP!' anywho!**

**I would put a dilemma for each character but it would make it to soap opera sorry and I hate soap operas! But I'll try not to leave anyone out!**

**I wouldn't write a story unless the person's reasons for self harm were valid; I hate people who write things like she wanted to die…but then put no reason, not a pull length story anyway. **

**I've known Raven was a child of rape, and I did think of it while writing, but Already have something planned, and I don't want to pile the problems on, or it'll seem messy, but oh do I have something planned :cue evil grin:**

**YES! I have reached my goal! I have shocked and freaked out…12 reviewers from the last chapter! MUHA! I probably would have more if all my readers REVIEWED! **

**I CANNOT LIVE OFF SALAD ALONE! FFFFEEEEEEEEDDDD MEEEEE!**

**Ok…sorry about that! He he**

**The real reason I'm rambling like an idiot is because I want to show you all that I am human! Honest! I'm not some depressed kid who writes this because they're obsessed with death, I just think up stuff like this because I have a lot of shit in my life, but no worries people! I love writing for you guys!**

**TT**

"Raven…" Beastboy stared wide eyed at the girl.

Her hair looked like it would fall out if a strong wind swept it, her skin looked like paper that had been trampled on, and her eyes were sunken into her head, her bones standing out on her face. She stared in horror at the green boy, and he stared back. Raven blinked and stood up; before the others could look at her she threw up her hood and glared at the boys with malice.

"I told you to stay outside." She growled.

"We were worried." Robin snapped in return, not appreciating Raven's attitude.

"She's our friend too." Cyborg put in. Raven tried to ignore the fact that beneath her cloak she was shaking furiously, luckily the cloak hid that from the others, she was hurting at the moment and it took all her patience not to break down, leaving none for the boys.

"I said GET OUT!" She snarled, her eyes flashing. The boys glared at her, all accept Beastboy, who stared at her as though he'd never seen her before. They then trooped out, the door snapping shut behind them.

As soon as she knew they were gone her knees buckled beneath her, she drew a shuddering breath, clawing at the bed for support, her eyes welled up with tears, and she tried to regain her footing but simply fell again. Raven wondered how Starfire was even surviving, Raven only had flashes but they'd torture her until she was gone. She took another shuddering breath and grasped the bed post, pulling herself up gradually. She felt horrible, she felt as thought someone had ripped her to pieces, and was lighting each shred one by one.

She looked over to Starfire; she looked like she was still in pain, even in unconsciousness. Raven herself wanted to go and crawl into her bathroom and purge every painful feeling out of her, as well as the imperfections, she caught her reflection in the mirror, and she flinched as four red eyes shone back out at her. She looked away quickly, in fear of more tears. She turned back to the sleeping girl. She had a job to do.

TT

Raven exited the infirmary without a word or even a glance at the boys who were sat in various places around the room, she walked out the next door and turned to lean her head on the wall next to her, she sighed heavily, she lifted her head and banged it gently against the wall, she felt so sick, worse than normal, the imperfections were always making her feel ill, but now she felt sick everywhere else. She silently groaned.

"Wanna explain a few things Rae?" Came a quiet yet commanding voice.

"What did I say about calling me that?" Was her only reply for the green changeling.

"Whatever _Raven, _don't avoid the question." He said crossing his scrawny arms across his chest. Raven stood and turned to him, there probably wasn't an imperfection in him, no black maggots crawled around his heart…no dark creatures clawed at _his _insides.

"What question?" Raven said her eyes boring into Beastboy's as if challenging him silently. His eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Why I can see your bones coming out of your face." He stated, his eyes never leaving Raven's. Raven didn't answer, she prepared to turn and leave him there…but something prevented it. Her head started to hurt badly, as though something was stabbing it repeatedly. She groaned and gripped her hood.

"Raven!" Beastboy rushed over to her, supporting her. "Raven? What's wrong…Raven?" Raven's eyes widened and she drew in a shuddering breath.

"Get off of me!" She screeched, pushing Beastboy to the floor.

"Raven! What the hell is wrong with you?" Beastboy asked, frowning as he climbed to his feet. Something didn't seem right, Raven's eyes seemed different, they were clouded, and they were filled with fear and anger.

"You…you stay away!" Raven snarled, backing up, still clutching her hood. Beastboy took a step towards her. "STAY AWAY!" She screamed, Beastboy flew back into a wall and slid to the floor, spots danced in front of his eyes.

You see, Raven wasn't seeing Beastboy anymore, she seeing herself, everything she thought was herself, red eyes gleamed with malice, with every step she took she left blood behind her, blood dripped from her hands, unknown substances oozing from her cloak. Raven turned to her left to see the door opening once more, and Cyborg stepped out, only it wasn't Cyborg anymore, it was the hulking form of Trigon, Raven screamed again.

"Raven? BB you alright man?" Cyborg asked, worried. Raven backed up again, not hearing those words.

"_You're like me daughter; evil…it lives within you, clawing at your insides…your black insides." _

"I…I defeated you." Raven said desperately. "You're not here…you can't be here!"

The light bulbs above them burst and rained glass upon them, they cut into Raven's cloak, making rips, she turned on her heel and fled the scene. BB climbed to his feet staggering slightly.

"Raven!" He shouted, before running after her. Cyborg ran after him, his mind going a mile a second.

"What the hell is wrong with this tower?" He asked no one.

TT

Robin stared threw the glass, he watched Starfire move, she must have woken up, his mind was telling him to run in there, but he wasn't sure if it was safe for him to do so. He didn't know how to handle this situation…this was larger than your villains…this was real life, this was rape.

"So much for being able to do anything boy blunder." Robin muttered to himself. He couldn't even protect his team.

He watched Starfire sit up and peer around anxiously, she looked a lot better now, she was cleaned up and she was no longer crying, but it didn't take a genius to know that her mind wouldn't let her recover anytime soon. He sighed inwardly; all he wanted to do was bang his head against the wall repeatedly.

"Is someone there? Anyone?" Came her voice through the speakers, there was a small silence; there was then a slight sniffling. "I do not wish to be alone right now."

That was all Robin needed, he shot out of his chair and went to the door, preparing himself for what ever she did, and he'd fix this, no matter what it took. The door slid open and he took a cautious step inside, her eyes shot to his mask.

"…Hey Star." He said carefully choosing every word. She didn't answer him. "I…" Robin stopped; he didn't have a clue what to say to her at all. She stared at him, as if trying to figure him out, trying to figure out if he was going to harm her, or if he was going to be there to comfort her, or would he rape her?

_No Starfire! This is Robin the _hero _he would never do what they did never…ever. I hope. _Tears welled up in her eyes once more as she thought about the events of the night; she tried to shut them out but to no avail. _You've been through this before Starfire, you've been raped, and this shouldn't bother you, why does it bother you?_

"You…will not harm me." She choked up; she looked so fragile to Robin at that moment, her small frame wrapped in her blankets, her eyes huge and afraid.

"Never," Robin said, he was sure of what he was saying now. "I'm just…so damn sorry."

A silence passed, Robin stared at his feet, angry at the world and its impurities, while Starfire stared at him still.

"Robin." She said quietly, her voice barely a whisper, Robin's masked eyes shot to hers. "Could I share something with you?" He nodded in response, hoping he'd be ready for what she was going to say. She secured the blankets covering her.

"I…well I." She sighed. "I loved you Robin." Robin's eyes bulged slightly at this remark, he didn't interrupt though, he knew she had more to say, and he had a feeling in his gut it wouldn't be good, as if in response to his thoughts a tear escaped her fearful eyes, and slid slowly down her face, Robin followed it's path down her cheeks, unable to meet her gaze.

"But…I…I cannot cope with these feelings at these pre- present time, everything hurts and I cannot feel this way towards…you, I am to confused to…to why…he…to why he…" She couldn't continue, tears were running to fast down her face, her body started to shake; she bit her cut and bruised lips painfully. Robin carefully reached out to place a hand on her shoulder but her eyes widened dangerous and he recoiled out of worry.

"Starfire, you're not ready to talk about what happened, it's too soon." Robin said his body stiff.

"But…Robin, I have to say this…I cannot love you, I cannot…even face any male at this point, even now, I fear of what…you're capable of-"

"I would NEVER do that to you!" Robin said, his eyes narrowed, then he realized he'd become angry. Causing Starfire to recoil from tremendously, all he could hear were her quiet sobs of fear and sadness.

"P, pl…please…leave." She choked out taking shuddering breaths. "I…can…not take this, right now." She didn't emerge from her covers until she heard the sliding of the door. She sat up, wiping furiously at her tears. She sat so she was facing away from the glass, she then revealed her arms from the sheets, her naked arms, and the half healed scars throbbed in the cold of the room without her arm wear.

She then raised her hand, concentrating on her nails mainly, she started to claw at the scars, begging them to catch and rip blissfully. One scar obliged and she bit her cut lip hard, causing it to bleed, her lip and her wrist bled in unison, she breathed in, then aware of the blood that had dripped into her open mouth, the coppery taste of blood on her tongue. She watched the trail of blood drip onto her sheets, only to be absorbed, leaving only a red stain.

TT

Raven shut herself in her room, her eyes still looking around wildly for a sign of life, seeing none she collapsed on her dark carpet, wheezing slightly, another shooting pain shoot through her and she bent over trying to block out the pain that was clawing at her, she whimpered as her head throbbed again. To Raven the impurities were becoming to much, she stumbled to her bathroom, she fell against the door frame and slid to the floor, then causing herself to crawl to her toilet.

She grasped the sides, with her pale skinny fingers, still wheezing she brought two fingers to her mouth and roughly forced them down, letting the impurities rise and burn her mouth like acid, she coughed and collapsed on the floor and stared up at her ceiling. To Raven it was the impurities.

But if Raven's mind hadn't faded away…you see Raven had slowly worried herself to insanity…her paranoia of her evil insides, convincing herself she had to purge it all up had caused anorexia. And if anorexia wasn't seeked out and dealt with immediately slowly your body wouldn't be able to take solids or liquids anymore, her stomach had shrunken to a dangerous size.

Raven sat up and looked into the toilet again, her bile wasn't the wiggling maggots or black acid she saw through her delusional eyes…it was blood.

Raven's body…was eating itself…and she was too insane to save herself.

TT

**Now go review! Or you won't see Raven to REALLY insane…and I haven't forgotten about Starfire…oh no, I have something special planned, MUHA! I'm going to drive you all INSANE with this story's suspense and freakiness! **

**Luvz ya**

**Valda**

**X**

**GO AND REVIEW!**


	7. Alone in INSANITY

**Blinded by the pain**

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM**

**FLAMING AND BASHING IS BAD! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL BASH YOU! BWAHA!**

**Official warning: Author cannot be blamed if readers get stuck in an evil grin…don't blame me! You read the story!**

**And when you can taste blood in your mouth while reading this…well then…you're bleeding **

**Um…sorry if I'm making anyone sad and disgusted…just as long as your enjoying the story that's all that matters yeah?...yeah?**

**And don't talk to me about pudding...I'M ON A DIET PPL! STOP TORTURING ME!**

**Uh…well…um…I'm not going to answer that question, they might both die...please keep the genre of the story in mind, only 2 people no how this is going to end, go bug them!**

**Ah yes, the black things, I was quite proud when I thought up those for her delusions. The memories Raven saw pushed her over the edge, she was always on the line with her bulimia and her delusions of evil, but the memories just made her mind break. Star's not delusional, she's just experiencing trauma from her experiences and the Robin thing I added because I wanted to end all hope of romance in this story…because I'm nice. **

**Well Robin came close to killing him…he's not in hell…YET! Yay for insanity! It's so cool! **

**It was tragic wasn't it, yes! My goal is hit! I bought sum new technology…but you still have more!**

…**I wouldn't get your hopes up guy's hehe, **

**Now after reading this, you review and then you go read D-I-WaRrIa's new one-shot,** My Provocative Kiss of Revenge

**It's amazing, if you think vampires are cool, then you'll love it all the more, if you don't like vampires you'll love it anyway…I LOVE YOU RED X!**

**And in this chapter**

**Bold: Starfire's memories**

_Italic: Raven's memories_

**OK?**

**TT**

_**I'm not**_

_**I'm not wasting away,**_

_**I'm simply loosing weight.**_

_**I'm not dying a little day by day,**_

_**I'm just realizing my fate.**_

_**My heart isn't weeping,**_

_**It has to concentrate on beating.**_

_**My body isn't weak,**_

_**It just doesn't want to move.**_

_**My skin isn't ripping,**_

_**It's just not smooth. **_

_**I'm not screaming,**_

_**Because I know I'm not aloud.**_

_**I'm not dreaming,**_

_**Because I've forgotten how**_

_**I'm not purging,**_

_**Because I know that it's bad.**_

_**I'm not telling the truth,**_

_**Because I didn't want to make you sad**_

**TT**

Raven clutched her head as pain ripped through it, she gasped as she saw memories, dribbles of thoughts, flashes of the past, hers and Starfire's had molded together in her head and she couldn't take it.

_You're nothing but a portal…a portal of evil._

"**You're nothing but an experiment, I could rip you to pieces and no one would care, your own sister left you, all you are is an object until we're done with you, then we'll probably get rid of you."**

"_Or are you just mad that your friends liked me more than they did you?"_

**Her eyes widened, blood had started to seep from her glove, she moved her hands to rest behind her back, she would usually jump at the chance to watch the sun set, especially with Robin.**

"_Or is it that deep down, you really thought I was you're friend?"_

Raven's eyes shot open, various objects exploding around her, tears fell from her eyes, leaving trails. She slammed her hands to the floor, and hit them against the carpet.

"Make…it…STOP!" She screamed, as the pain still ripped through her, she was beating at her floor as if it was the one who was hurting her, her room was tearing it's self apart in flashes and orbs of black, her screams and sobs echoing around her as she kneeled in the center of it all.

"Raven please! RAVEN!" Beastboy screamed, tears falling furiously. He was banging furiously at her door, only hearing the chaos inside.

Raven screamed as she looked at herself, her leotard was crawling with the maggots and insects. She tore at her clothes, ripping them as she went.

"GET OFF OF ME! GET OUT ME…PLEASE!"

Raven scratched viciously at her skin, red marks left by her nails scared her body, her eyes were alight with madness, and her breaths were coming out in sharp gasps. She tore at her hair, dragging it out and throwing it to the floor.

"I'm dirty, I'm impure...they won't go away...THE IMPURITIES WON'T GO AWAY!"

She bent over, and forced her fingers into her mouth, retching she felt more bile rise, and litter her floor, she watched it, her mind making it look like black crawling worms, she screamed. But she then coughed, falling to her knees, she coughed hard, she saw blood land onto her floor, she felt it dribble down her chin, she smelt the stench of bile mixed with blood on her floor.

Beastboy roared in frustrating, hoping he wouldn't pay dearly for this later he transformed into a gorilla and pounded his huge fists against the door, ripping it clean off. He transformed back and froze at the sight. Raven's room was chaos, already he had to dive to the ground to dodge her possessions that were taking lives of their own. Raven was in the center of it all, her costume ripped, scratches littered her skin, and she was still scratching at it furiously, as if trying to scrub something off of her. Purple hair was around her, bald patches on her head showing where they'd came from. The worst was the rest of her though; with her costume ripped he could see every bone, as if they were trying to rip out of her pale skin, every bump of the back bone defined, her hip bones dangerously sticking out, and her arms almost as thin as Robin's bo-staff.

The site of her made his tears fall more furiously, his friend was tearing herself apart. She looked up at him, her eyes narrowed to mere pupils; she looked insane, beyond reason. She crawled back slightly, hiding her body.

"Get out of my ROOM!" She screeched, throwing out one hand, he was pushed back by her powers slightly. But he was still alive so that was good. He took a step towards her.

"Raven! Please, you're one of my best friends, listen to me, you need to calm down, you're going to wreak the tower!"

"I don't have friends." She whispered. "I don't deserve them…I'm unclean…I am evil."

"No you're not! We proved that when you defeated Trigon! Please Raven snap out of it! You need help now."

"I don't need help! I'm getting rid of the impurities."

"You're wasting away!" Beastboy shouted.

"I'M NOT!"

"Raven…forgive me." Beastboy muttered. He then transformed into a wolf and pounced at the insane girl, he landed on her, pushing her back into to floor, she screamed in protest, her room's possessions flying more furiously. He carried on pinning her down, he then transformed back into himself. "Raven snap out of it!"

**The man grunted as he moved forcefully, demanding all that she could offer. Her salt water crystals fell like waterfalls as he continued to pummel into her.**

"GET OFF ME!"

Beastboy was thrown back by a huge blast of energy, he was thrown into her empty book case, (all its books were flying around the room) it fell on top of him before he even had a chance to scream.

Cyborg came running to the scene, his eyes widened at the sight of Raven, and he then spotted Beastboy's green hand from under the bookcase.

"BB!" He shouted, he took out his sonic cannon and shot the bookcase into pieces, Beastboy rolled over, groaning.

"Rae…Raven." He muttered, his eyes barely open. Cyborg turned to the insane girl as she clutched her head, her teeth bared and her eyes squeezed shut as if in pain. Cyborg turned his canon on her, turning down the frequency.

"Sorry Rae."

A burst of blue light hit Raven's stomach, she shot back onto her back, unconscious, all the objects dropped to the floor, but Cyborg didn't breath easy. He called up Robin on his arm phone, calling to the other side of the tower.

"Robin it's urgent."

"I can't leave Starfire." Robin replied.

"She'll be fine, she's not going anywhere, but I got problems, Raven went insane, I mean insane Robin, and BB got hit by her bookcase in the crossfire, I need you here now!"

Robin sighed. "Fine." He then hung up.

TT

The bleeding had stopped after awhile, her sheets had red stains all over them, but since when did she ever care for them. She looked down at her freshly opened scars and breathed deeply, she felt terrible, she saw the look of sadness that Robin had worn as he left her…and it hurt her even more than her scars.

Starfire didn't hear Robin's retreating footsteps, because really, she felt as though someone's presence was there. Little did she know…

There was.

TT

Robin looked at the scene, Raven's room was a wreck, and Beastboy was sitting on what was left of Raven's bed, Raven lying unconscious beside him. Cyborg was checking Beastboy for injuries. Robin was over whelmed by what Raven had done to herself; Cyborg had now covered her body, not wanting to see it. Neither knew what had caused her insanity, but it had now been at least an hour and Raven would not wake up.

"Why won't she wake up?" Beastboy asked worriedly. Cyborg sighed as he scanned her.

"Well…her brain shows fatal damage, I was right about the insanity…the anorexia might've caused that."

"She kept saying she was unclean and evil." Beastboy interrupted.

"That's probably what her insanity was based around." Robin said his arms crossed.

"How can you seem so calm Robin, Starfire was raped and Raven's gone insane! Do you have no heart?" Beastboy snarled at the masked boy. Robin's eyes flashed behind his mask.

"Don't ever say that again, just because I'm not freaking out all over the place doesn't mean I don't have a heart Beastboy. This is fucking ripping me apart, so shut up for once in your life Beastboy!"

Beastboy looked at the ground, his eyes filled up with tears again. _What was happening to the titans?_

TT

Starfire looked around her, her eyes wide, she was terrified. Someone was there but she couldn't see them, and what she couldn't see could hurt her…or worse.

"Who…who is there?"

She felt eyes on her back and she spun around to see nothing. Tears started to fall from her eyes, she whimpered.

"Please…leave me alone…" Someone chuckled darkly and Starfire drew back from the shadows that surrounded her, sobbing quietly.

"I always thought your deepest fear was to be alone Princess."

The chuckling grew louder and grew so it was all around her, boring down on her frail body, she sobbed, she knew that voice, and she knew he would come sooner or later.

TT

**BWAHA! Oh yes…cliff hanger! Now review! I want…:thinks: at least 15 reviews! MUHA! I'm feeling greedy! **

**Luvz ya**

**Valda**

**X**


	8. The Truth HURTS

**Blinded by the pain**

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM.**

**FLAMING AND BASHING IS BAD! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL BASH YOU! BWAHA!**

**IF YOU'RE GOING TO READ MY WORK THEN FRICKING REVIEW! IS IT THAT HARD, OR ARE YOU ALL THAT LAZY! I DO LOOK AT MY HITS; I KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE READ ME!**

**Anywho! Fancoo for the great reviews from my NICE reviewers!**

**I'm sorry if I make anyone feel sick O.O I don't mean to! Okay…I do a teeny weenie bit! It's fun! **

**You find out who the bad guy is in this chapter YAHOO! And also this is one of the last few chapters…bless! **

**I got 14 reviews…Meh it'll do, but please next time REVIEW! Or I'll be forced to have chocolate instead; n then it's all your faults if I don't become skinny!**

**Please do tell your friends, friendsmore readers, and hopefully more reviews threatening me **

**She killed the alien dude (see chapter 3) it's someone else, I thought it would be obvious…Meh**

**Le sigh, I didn't get my wanted number, but it was close! Hmm…I think I have some more technology now…but you still have most of it! Yes you've been publicized! Did it work? **

**I'm going regret telling you where I live aren't I :S **

**Yes…they're all dying…but will they die! Hehe. And with all the dying I don't think any fluff is possible…check out my other story for romance though! I need pudding:'(**

**Yes I do enjoy my cliffhangers! BWAHA! **

**Star's still alive after all this, because Raven keeps healing her, shee! Plus you can stop the bleeding if you put enough pressure on the cuts. **

**I don't know the song sorry! How ever I did listen to the spill canvas, during writing this! **

**TT**

Starfire's eyes shot open and she span around, her hair hitting her in the face, irritating her many cuts, she held the sheet around her like a shield, and it was protecting the all she had left of her dignity. Her eyes widened as her eyes fell onto the site before her.

The aura of arrogance hung around him as always, his hands clasped behind his back…

And that single eyes peering out of that mask.

TT

An uncomfortable silence was hanging in the ruin of Raven's bedroom; Beastboy was looking around at anything, trying to find reassurance anywhere. She had to be okay, she was one of his best friends, and he couldn't loose her.

"We should move her to the infirmary." Cyborg's voice broke the silence. Robin nodded simply and walked out the door without a word. Cyborg gathered the girl up in his arms…his heart dropped, remembering the other titan he had to carry to the infirmary, there was something going on with the female titans at the moment, and he didn't know the cause, this scared him.

TT

"My…somehow your condition has grown worse since our last meeting my dear…last time it was scars littering your arms…and now look, what happened…fall in some glass?" Slade sneered, his aura of arrogance was suffocating Starfire, she scrambled back, her eyes widening further.

"Y…You!" He whispered, her breathing quickened, it hurt her throat but she ignored it. Slade chuckled once more.

"Yes me, I made it my mission to break the heart of the titans, the _happy _one." Starfire winced, only Slade could make that an insult. "And I only knew one way how to break a girl such as you." She could sense a smirk behind that mask, or maybe an insane grin, as tears formed in her eyes. "I sent the gang and told them to draw the titans…somehow, and it worked _perfectly._" He finished his voice almost in a purr.

Starfire's hands curled into fist, her breath turning into forced sobs, trying to push all her feelings into anger, her eyes glowed slightly, the sheet still wrapped securely around her, and she gave a cruel laugh.

"I should have known!" She choked out, her voice strained. "Only you would do something so horrid, or despicable!" Tears streamed down her cheeks. Slade laughed at her anger.

"You think I'm leaving it at this." He took a step towards her. "I'm only just getting started."

He was right in front of her before she had time to cry out, he grabbed the hand grasping the sheet around her and pulled it towards him, she flew with it, she crashed into his body, her body still aching, she cried out now, he forced her around so she had her back to him, he placed a hand on her collarbone and ran a finger along it, she whimpered quietly. He reached up and moved her hair from her face and moved them around so they were facing the door. He placed a gloved hand on her back, causing her to flinch as he cut into the cuts the glass caused. He applied pressure, his other hand keeping her from moving.

He moved to whisper in her ear, "now…let Robin know I'm here."

TT

Robin, Beastboy and Cyborg who was still carrying Raven made their way up to the infirmary, all were still silent, Beastboy walked a short way ahead of Robin, walking at a fast pace.

"Can't you hurry up?" He snapped, turning to face them.

"Beastboy, we'll get there when we get there, cool it." Cyborg replied quietly, Robin still remained silent.

"Well the things eating Raven aren't going to wait are they!" Beastboy snarled. Cyborg's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Beastboy, I really suggest you don't say another word until we get Raven into the infirmary." Cyborg growled. Beastboy frowned and turned to walk at a faster pace. Cyborg's gaze slipped to Robin, who was walking, his head tilting downwards, he'd never seen the boy so…down.

Suddenly Robin's head snapped up and then a second later a scream echoed throughout the tower, Robin knew that scream to well, he was gone before Beastboy could ask what that was. Cyborg saw the bottom of Robin's cape disappear around a corner and he and Beastboy were after him without a beat.

Robin's eyes were bulging behind his mask, he couldn't let anything else happen to her, he promised her…he promised. But what Robin saw as he burst through the infirmary doors nearly made his heart stop. Anything to do with Starfire always pushed his emotions over the edge…but if you throw in Slade in that mix…things get a whole lot worse.

Robin was caught, he didn't know whether to call out to Starfire, or growl Slade's name like a curse, so he decided to stare in astonishment. And then talk.

"No…" His voice sounded fearful, and that wasn't good.

"Robin, I told you I was back Robin…what did you think I'd leave your friends alone?"

"Let Starfire go…NOW!" Robin snarled. Robin's eyes were fixed on Slade's mask, Starfire's face was frozen in fear, she was stuck in between two powerful men, and her fragile mind was going into overdrive. Her heart was telling her that Robin would save her, and he'd never hurt her, but Slade's hold on her was making her brain scream in alarm.

"Tut tut Robin, where are the manners in teenagers these days." Slade sneered. Robin practically shook in rage. Cyborg and Beastboy ran through the door, Raven still unconscious, both gasped and made their own exclamations of amazement and anger.

"Slade…leave her out of this, she's been through enough." Robin said, a fearful look flashed through his face for an instant. Slade chuckled.

"Oh…I know _all _about that."

"What are you saying Slade?" Robin demanded. Slade laughed harder at the titan's anger. The expression in his eyes said it all.

"You sick bastard!" Beastboy spat angrily.

"Ro…Robin?" Starfire whispered. "He…he's hurting me."

Robin's heart stung as those words hit him harder than Slade ever could. Robin's hands clenched dangerously, he was ready to fight Slade, in fact he was eager, but he couldn't risk Slade hurting her, or her panicking if she showed violence. She was too fragile.

"Starfire, I won't let him hurt you." Robin tried to reassure her, as if they were alone, her eyes shone in her own misery, she didn't believe him, he knew that. But it was either scare her…or let Slade have her. He pulled into a fighting stance. "Let her go." He growled at Slade. "I won't let you harm her."

"Robin…I won't be hurting her." Slade purred, his hold on Starfire tightened and he drew her into her, causing her face contort in fear. "She'll be hurting herself…as always."

Robin's face looked puzzled, and Starfire couldn't bring herself to look at him, he didn't understand, he couldn't, and she knew Slade wouldn't say anything else, he'd let Robin drive himself crazy in wanting to know. One of Slade's hands moved towards his belt and Starfire knew she'd be leaving her friends, her gaze moved to Raven, Raven had been found out…she couldn't let Slade tell her friends, she had to.

"Anything to say to you're friends my dear?" Slade whispered to her friends, he released one of her arms, the other applying more pressure.

"I…I am sorry my friends." Starfire whispered, her eyes met each of her friends individually. "I have not been innocent for along time." Another tear fell and she wondered how she still had any left to cry. She clenched her eyes shut. "I am sorry." She whispered. She pulled out one of her arms slowly from the sheet; they watched her with confusion and worry. She opened her eyes as she turned her bloody wrists towards them and their individual reactions hit her.

Mixes of shock, anger, confusion, worry, sadness filled the room, it was almost unbearable. She felt Slade grip her wrist and she cried out as she hit against his chest again. She looked at Robin, not being able to see his eyes she only saw him stare in astonishment. Like time had slowed down she didn't hear Slade speak again as she looked at him, apologies were written in her eyes. Then almost as if someone had pressed the play button, Robin started to run towards her, she saw his mouth move, but no sound reached her ear, as everything…turned to black.

TT

Robin hit the infirmary floor where Slade and Starfire once stood, he hit the tiles, almost denting them, she roared out in anger. He hit the ground again and again, the fabric of his gloves rubbing against the forming bruises. His forehead hit the floor softly and he breathed in and out, sobs then rattled his frame. Cyborg laid Raven on a bed, then walking over to Robin; he placed a hand on his back.

"Rob…" He began, but Robin cut him off. Beastboy watched them, eyes huge in terror.

"How did we not know…?" He cried. "How Cyborg?"

"She was…always so happy." Cyborg said quietly. "How were we to notice?"

"She was _cutting_ herself Cyborg, ripping herself apart every time the razor, or knife or whatever cut through her skin…HOW COULD WE NOT NOTICE!"

"I don't know Robin ok! This is a shock to all of us, not just you." Cyborg replied, anger edging his voice.

"You don't understand Cyborg! I…I loved her." A tear escaped Robin's mask. "I loved her." He whispered. Cyborg and Beastboy shared a look. Robin beat his hands upon the ground one final time before climbing to his feet.

"Where're you going?" Beastboy asked. Robin didn't turn to him on his way out.

"To find her," Was his only answer before he disappeared out the door.

"Should…we follow?" Cyborg asked, for once feeling lost.

"I…I mean we…Raven needs us." Beastboy whispered, tears leaking from his emerald eyes. Cyborg nodded, he turned to a computer behind him and started to type furiously. And he prayed to god that Starfire would be found before…he could hurt herself.

_Keep praying Cyborg…that's the only way you can help either of them right now_

TT

**Hehe…don't blame me for my evilness…it's a good ending to the chapter! Now…REVIEW! DON'T BE SO LAZY!**

**Luvz ya**

**Valda**

**X**

**More on Raven next chapter will it be the end for her? **


	9. Reason to LIVE

**Blinded by the pain**

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM.**

**FLAMING AND BASHING IS BAD! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL BASH YOU! BWAHA!**

**IF YOU'RE GOING TO READ MY WORK THEN FRICKING REVIEW! IS IT THAT HARD, OR ARE YOU ALL THAT LAZY! I DO LOOK AT MY HITS; I KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE READ ME!**

**Um people one thing…I'm going to dedicate this hopefully tear jerking chapter to two amazing authors! They're both very talented, and one is a friend of mine, so I want to you all go read and review their work…and love them as much as I do…YOU TWO ROCK! So the final two chapters are to them! I hope you enjoy it girls!**

**D-I-WaRrIa**

**Audigirl **

**Everyone love them…LOVE THEM! I know I do! **

**ME! A pro? Awwww shucks! Fancoo! Te he, I'm all bashful now! Go me! **

**Yes the story is almost over…so get ready to cry…go grab your hankies…or your teddy bears…or your cushions, even your sponges, meh but my goal is for someone to cry…hehe**

**The death of one? Well…maybe 1 maybe none…maybe both…**

**How many times can you die? Seriously! And sorry if the ending kills anyone else, it's not intentional honest! **

**No chocolate for 4 weeks! Damn, my diet even includes 1 bar a week! Lol veggies are becoming ebul in my eyes…EBUL!**

**OH YEAH! Hehe, of course Robin loves her! I can't write a story without Star and Rob love…IT'S NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME! Sorry about the mistake**

**Yes…the truth hurts! Especially when it's a truth like THAT! I had my gun ready…Valentines Day didn't stand a chance **

**Slade is ebul, but I kind of think that's what makes him cool! **

**I loved the song! It was amazing, actually I love the band now lol so thanks for the recommendation! I would use it, but I don't like to use songs in my fics incase someone doesn't know the song, plus…I have the scene planned out, and the song doesn't fit, but I still loved it!**

_**SORRY! I'm so sorry about the late update, but I just got back from my holiday in Germany last night, so hopefully this chapter should make it up to you all.**_

**Get your tissues ready…**

**TT**

Beastboy paced behind Cyborg as he typed furiously into the infirmary's main computer, statistics flew past the screen to fast for Beastboy to take in, but Cyborg didn't seem to have a problem keeping up. Beastboy paced the same route over and over. He had to keep busy. He couldn't think about it…he just couldn't. One of his best friends was in that infirmary eating away at herself, literally. And the other was taken by an insane criminal after being raped and revealing she was in fact stuck in an obsession of self-harm…he couldn't take it.

He looked at Cyborg, he was still typing and reading over complicated files, but Beastboy could easily see the tear that was running from his human eye over his metal cheek. Surviving was what the titan's did best, but they didn't seem to be doing so well. One _was_ dying, one was hiding it all in work, one was planning to take it out on Slade, one was…well she was practically killing herself, and him? He was pacing.

"Beastboy?" Cyborg's voice was all it took for Beastboy was stop pacing; he turned to his large friend, a look of desperation in his eyes.

"What do you know?" Beastboy asked automatically, he didn't want anything to do with small talk or sympathy, for once Beastboy wanted nothing but the business.

"Beastboy…she's…she's dying, you know that right?"

"Obviously Cyborg! But can we save her?" Beastboy answered anger edging every word, even if he didn't mean for it.

"Yeah, and I've given her the medication…but she's not accepting her, she's fighting…Beastboy…Garfield, I…I don't think she wants to live."

"Of course she does Cyborg! She made a mistake becoming like this, but that doesn't mean she wants to die!" Beastboy argued, not wanting to hear this.

"Then why else Beastboy? Why would she starve herself, Beastboy my stats say she's been forcing her food back up, there's bruising in her throat, she's bulimic! She can't even take food at the moment, she stomach doesn't know how! Who would do something like that if they were happy?"

"I don't believe you!" Beastboy shouted, he couldn't…she couldn't…she couldn't do that to him.

"Don't believe then! Stay in your world full of happiness, jokes and sunshine, but this is reality, where people feel ugly so they do horrible, stupid things to themselves, in reality people are raped, in reality people die Beastboy and that is what's happening right now. Every one of those horrible truths are crashing down on your lovely little reality and you need to see that!" Cyborg snapped, his eye narrowed, his mechanical eye seemed to glow more brightly, and his body tense. Beastboy stood there, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open, his world did come crashing down on him, he didn't want to smile anymore…there was no point. Cyborg calmed down and placed a brotherly hand on Beastboy's shoulder.

"What…what's going to happen, I'm scared for them Cyborg." Beastboy whispered, he sounded and looked defeated, his eyes glowing with tears that needed to be shed.

"Give her reason to want to carry on Beastboy, because I think you're the only one who can…give Raven a reason to live, and maybe she will."

Beastboy nodded solemnly, a determined look in his eyes now; he turned away from his friend, hoping he was right. Because right now, he needed Raven to live just as much as she probably wanted to die.

TT

Robin's R-cycle roared as it tore down a road in down town Jump city, he was taking in everything, his cycle was being pushed to it's limits as he revved it through small ally-ways, looking for any gangs, he pulled the bike into a skid and climbed off as a few men came into his line of sight. He approached them, but none seemed to notice him yet, so he took this as an opportunity.

He'd learnt that the best way to get information was out of fear, so he decided to scare the criminals in the way he'd been taught to by his teacher, Batman. He grappled to the roof of the building, anger had turned the world to red, he wanted these criminals to be as afraid as he was for his best friend right at that moment. He then shot his hook to a long pole that connected the two blocks of flats; he then lowered himself so he was about 10ft above the men.

His eyes narrowed considerably as one of the men laughed at something the other one had said. He then flexed his hands to make sure he was ready. Then he shot down on the line, grabbing one of the men, he couldn't even make a sound before Robin knocked him out…quite painfully. The other was still laughing stupidly, before he realized his friend was gone.

"…Fred…?" The man grunted in confusion. Robin chose this moment to jump down dramatically, giving the man a frightening glare.

"Fred's not here right now…but I was hoping for a word." Robin growled, the man's eyes widened before he scrambled back, and then turning to run. Most thugs were stupid enough to run into ally-ways, where they could be easily followed, and this one was no different.

The man ran as fast as his legs could carry him, he hadn't committed any crimes today, so why Robin was after him he didn't know! He looked behind him and slowed down as he saw an empty ally-way behind him. He sighed in relief; he then turned around, only to fall back onto his fairly round ass. Robin loomed over him, a scowl on his mask, for a teenager he could look very…dangerous.

"Don't move or you might find a bird-a-rang in a place I'm sure you appreciate." Robin growled menacingly, holding a small red weapon in his right hand. The man nodded feverishly in reply. Robin didn't move or put away his weapon, he just stared down the man.

"What do you know about Slade?" The hero began.

"Nothing." He man said hurriedly. A smirk flashed across the teen's features and he saw a flash of red, he look down to see a sharp bird shaped object wedged in the ground between the man's legs, very near to his manhood.

"Opps," Robin sneered, a small smile on his lips, it looked quite insane with his scowl. "I missed." The man's face contorted in fear. "I'll ask again, what do you know about Slade?"

The man gulped. "O…only that he practically owns the criminals in Jump."

"Anything else, because a police officer could even figure that out. Where is his base of operations?" Robin replied becoming impatient.

"Uh…I think I heard about an old club basement…" Robin pulled out another weapon and the man screwed his eyes shut in dread. "Wilson's I think it was called."

When the pain never came he slowly opened his eyes, the weapon between his legs was gone, a small hole in the ground told him it had been there, Robin was also gone, a roar of motorcycle wheels echoed around the area and the man knew Robin wouldn't be coming back to arrest him.

TT

Beastboy walked through the doorway and paused as he saw her lying there, she looked so small and fragile, as he approached her bed he was afraid he'd break her if he touched her pale hands. He drew up a chair and settled into her. It took him a moment to draw the courage up to take her hand, but he did, it was small compared to his own and it was cold…so cold.

"Beast…boy?" Her voice made him wince, it sounded so small, like a lost child who had just found their parent and was unsure whether it was real or not.

"Yeah Rae?" Beastboy whispered, his tears threatening to fall, he hated to see her like this, she was supposed to be the untouchable Raven…so strong, but now it seemed a simple squeeze on her hand would shatter it.

"Are…you really…there?" Raven whispered. "I…thought that…I was…alone." Beastboy felt a tear escape its prison.

"You're never alone Raven, you…you can't get rid of me that easily." He said lamely. Raven tried to give him a weak smile.

"I'm…I'm so tired." She whispered.

"Raven…please don't…you know, fight us, we need you to stay with us."

"Us?"

"Me and Cyborg, we're trying to help you, but you have to let us."

"…something…is telling me to…let go Beastboy, different memories, some aren't even mine…but they all say the same thing, give…up." Raven said weakly, her eyes half shut, Beastboy gave a gentle squeeze on her hand causing her to stay with him.

"Raven…please." Beastboy whispered.

"I'm…not good enough…I'm impure, the…the evil, it is…always there, making me…ugly…I thought…maybe that…I…I…could expel it…but…it didn't…work, I…I knew about it all, Starfire, I healed…and healed…but…but I couldn't…even heal…myself."

"Let me heal you Raven, I'll always be beside you, just pull through this."

"I…just…wanted to be…beautiful." She whispered, tears fell from both their eyes.

"And you can be…just let me help you."

"Beastboy...am...am I...beau...beautiful now?" Raven asked weakly, her hand hanging in his.

Beastboy gulped before whispering. "You always were"

"But…it's…it's still there…the voices…they hurt…me."

"Please Raven, I need you to pull through this...I need you"

Raven tried to give a weak smile. "I...I wish I could be who

You want Beastboy...but I'm not, I need to start again...I...I need...to be pure."

"No…Raven…" He was lost in his tears; he put his head next to hers on her pillow. "No…"

"Thank you…you…you were the…best friend…I…ever…had…"

"No…no…no…"

She gently closed her eyes, giving in to her tiredness, she felt her pain slip away, the voices drifted away like leaves on the river, she felt her fly away from her body. She saw Beastboy next to her, crying, almost howling in misery. She would miss him more than anyone. But she needed to move on. And as she drifted away from her life as Raven…only then did she realize…she was always pure.

TT

Starfire opened her eyes slowly, she got up to kneel on the hard cold floor; her breathing came out in front of her in condensed air. Her sheet wrapped around her and little else, shadows surrounded her, her eyes flew from one nothing to another, scared out of her mind.

"Poor little alien."

Starfire's eyes widened, but she remained silent wishing she could disappear.

"Poor little alien, scars litter her arms, to caught up in her own world, causing herself harm. Poor little alien innocence torn away…poor little alien." His voice grew to a whisper, and she was aware of his presence right behind her. "Who wishes any day was her last day."

TT

**sniff sniff I thought it was sad…how about you? Bye bye Raven…:'(**

**Valda**

**X**


	10. THE END

**Blinded by the pain**

**I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM.**

**FLAMING AND BASHING IS BAD! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL BASH YOU! BWAHA!**

**IF YOU'RE GOING TO READ MY WORK THEN FRICKING REVIEW! IS IT THAT HARD, OR ARE YOU ALL THAT LAZY! I DO LOOK AT MY HITS; I KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE READ ME!**

**Um people one thing…I'm going to dedicate this hopefully tear jerking chapter to two amazing authors! They're both very talented, and one is a friend of mine, so I want to you all go read and review their work…and love them as much as I do…YOU TWO ROCK! So the final two chapters are to them! I hope you enjoy it girls!**

**D-I-WaRrIa**

**Audigirl **

**Everyone love them…LOVE THEM! I know I do! **

**Messages are at the bottom for this :le sigh: is the last chapter…do you have your tissues ready? Good…now ONWARDS!**

**TT**

_Starfire opened her eyes slowly, she got up to kneel on the hard cold floor; her breathing came out in front of her in condensed air. Her sheet wrapped around her and little else, shadows surrounded her, her eyes flew from one nothing to another, scared out of her mind. _

_"Poor little alien."_

_Starfire's eyes widened, but she remained silent wishing she could disappear. _

_"Poor little alien, scars litter her arms, to caught up in her own world, causing herself harm. Poor little alien innocence torn away…poor little alien." His voice grew to a whisper, and she was aware of his presence right behind her. "Who wishes any day was her last day."_

Starfire drew back into herself, trying to block out the cruel…yet so true words, she shut her eyes, but it didn't take away the frightening presence that was right behind her, she took a deep breath, trying to center herself, she needed to pull herself together. But even as she took her first breath his words continued.

"Poor little alien, look how she hides, no one can find her no matter how hard they try…"

"Stop it." Starfire whispered.

"Poor little alien, look at her tears, I'm surprised she has any left from over the years…"

"Please…"

"Poor little alien, still she carries on, convincing herself that giving up is wrong…"

"It is wrong…"

"Poor little alien, even now she lies, she won't even listen to the truth in her mind…"

Starfire's voice became a little more forceful. "Stop it…now."

"Poor little alien, the world is so dark, she thinks if only she'd ended it all from the start."

"No."

"Poor little girl, sitting before me now, she'll end it tonight…and I'll be the one to show…her…how."

Starfire's eyes shot open, she flew around, facing nothing but the darkness around her, she _knew _he was there, she could feel him, hear his breathing…she just couldn't see him. She looked all around her, but all her eyes saw was the foreboding darkness, a single light shone on her, but that was all and the light didn't even start to penetrate the sea of black around her.

She felt tears well up in hopelessness, she was weak as it was, her body was tired, and her mind exhausted, she couldn't even begin to handle this stress, she just wanted to wallow in her sorrow alone, but he was there, she felt his eyes upon her, arrogance surrounding him like an aura, that's how he always was. Even if he lost he knew there would be a next time…but would there be one for her?

TT

Beastboy didn't move, he couldn't move, his head lay next to hers, he stared ahead of him, his eyes were wide open, but he was blind to the world. A tear would sometimes pool up and slip down his pale green face, he wouldn't blind, he hardly dared to breath. He raised up a hand and rested it on her pale skin, it was so cold.

He sat up slowly, his body ached from the position he'd been laying in for the last hour or so. He looked down on her face, her eyes were sunken, thank god she'd closed her eyes…he didn't think he could take to see her beautiful violet eyes so…lifeless. He traced a finger up through her hair, even that was lifeless, but that had been like this for awhile. Her body had been deteriorating for so song now…everything she was had been dead for along time, and he had been so stupid that he never noticed the person he cared about slowly kill herself…even if she never knew she was dying.

She looked so peaceful; she almost looked like what she was meant to be…a child. She'd never been a child; she never even had a damn chance. Beastboy felt another tear fall onto her small hand that still rested in his. Her face looked so innocent and peaceful, no scowl or stress marks lines her for-head. He gave her hand a small squeeze, as if hoping she'd come back. It was a selfish thought but he needed her so badly, he needed her to frown and insult him. He needed her to sit beside him and read her old books. He needed her to hold out her hands and heal his scars. He needed _her. _

He felt so guilty knowing there had been so much more he wanted to say, knowing that he had been too scared, but now it seemed as though he'd give anything to say anything at all to her! To tell her how much she meant to him…but he was such an idiot, he'd serious believed she'd be okay! Was he was naïve? He'd give anything he owned, anything he was going to own just to turn it all back…just so he could save her and be her hero.

"B?" Beastboy tore his eyes away from Raven and turned to face Cyborg, a tear was falling from his single eye, and it shone in concealed needing to cry an ocean for his friend. "The…the machine…it says…she's not gone is she?"

"Yeah..." Beastboy whispered his voice slightly hoarse. "She is."

TT

"What do you gain from causing me this pain?" Starfire asked fearfully.

"I get to rip the heart of the titans clean from its body…and…I have something else planned."

"You…you will not succeed."

"Poor little alien. I already have." Slade whispered maliciously.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't know of Raven's…condition, but it recently came to light, and I've worked it to my advantage. My dear…Raven just died."

Starfire's eyes widened, her eyes welled up with crystal tears. "No…" She whispered. "She…she can't be…you're lying!"

"I have no need for lying; lately everything I've been enforcing has been true. Raven starved herself to death…and you; well you're just a story in yourself aren't you."

Starfire clutched the sheet closer to her body, she hated that she _still _couldn't see him. "Please…leave us all alone."

"You killed her you know." Slade said after a pause.

"What do you mean?"

"You killed her, you knew she was hurting, you knew she was loosing herself, you knew _everything. _But you were so selfish…so caught up in yourself…that you let her die."

"No!"

"Yes my dear, you can cover your ears, save lives, behave like you're blissfully ignorant to the world's problems but you're not, you let her body eat away at her, you didn't try to save her, you just wanted to bleed alone, you couldn't take that someone else was suffering, so you ignored it, you kept cutting and bleeding, you put on mask and smiled for the world…while at night you silently screamed."

"Stop it…"

"You dreamed of the night where you would take it to the end…where the last drop of blood would pool at you knees."

"No…"

"How you'd lay on your bed, almost high off of the loss of blood…the smile that would creep onto your lips, the blood lacing with the tears of joy."

"…"

"Don't you want it all to stop?"

"…"

"I wonder how you can even live…his hands must he on you even now…tracing your curves…biting your lips…licking at your neck like a flame."

He stopped to look at the broken girl before him; she was huddled over, her hair hanging in her face, quiet sniffles echoing around them effectively. Tears pooled at her knees, she clawed at the sheet covering her bruised and broken body, the scars on her arms revealed to him, no arm bands to cover the red lines. A sob racked her body, causing her to shake violently.

He walked into the light, but she seemed too caught up in her own tears to notice him. He knelt before her and slowly lifted her chin, she jumped violently at the touch and fell on her side, she crawled away from him, tears still trailing down her face, one hand held the sheet against her, her only shield against him. He stood over as she whimpered in the pain of her memories.

"Did it hurt?" He whispered and she flinched at the sound of his voice. "Did he rip you apart? He drew something from his belt and dropped it before her.

"Would you like it to end my dear?"

She only cried harder as his words hit her like wave upon wave of truth, and she was drowning within these waves…she wanted to…she wanted to pick up whatever he'd dropped and rip herself apart just like her rapist had ripped her apart, he'd ripped her to shreds and she still felt him, she still smelt his horrid breath, she still felt his lingering hands…she still felt him inside her. She sobbed again. She felt his eyes upon her, waiting for her choice. Slowly, and still shaking violently…

She picked up the bird-a-rang that had been dropped beside her.

TT

Robin's bike dodged traffic, he wasn't even concentrating on the road, he was weaving through cars and trucks out of instinct, he was stabbing in instructions into his navigator, a small dot flashed on a map of Jump on a small screen, his gaze flickered onto it before looking up at the road and revving his bike to go faster. He flew past a red light, weaving throughout the cars going left and right around him, he heard the beeping of innocent drivers but he chose to ignore them and carry on…

There were more important things now, like his best friend in the best…the girl that he loved more than anything on this wretched…corrupted earth was going to harm herself, and possibly cut her self to pieces. He blinked back a tear, focusing on his task, emotions could not get in the way now, and he couldn't let them.

His eyes flickered to the map again…he was close.

TT

There was a silence in the darkened room; Slade had disappeared into the darkness once more, Starfire could not even feel his presence anymore, or maybe she was to busy to notice, she sat there, sheet draped around her shoulders, she ran her fingers across the pointy object…it felt cold against her fingers, she pressed her finger against the tip to test it, when a dribble of blood slid down her finger she knew it would do. She wasn't really looking at the object.

If she had she probably would've wondered why she was holding a bird-a-rang, but the look of the weapon was not important to her now, all that mattered was that it would break the skin and end her pain.

She looked up and around her, no one was there anyone, her tears had finally dried up, she was emotionless, there was no fear, her hands were completely still, there was no despair, her eyes were devoid of all emotion needed for such a thing, there wasn't even a confidence or excitement in the thought of what she was going to do. She was just…there. She did not think of her friends, she did not think of her enemies, her planet, her city, and her innocents. Not even Robin came into mind. She was a shell of a being, and this shell only had one thought.

End it…

Run the knife over cold skin,

It doesn't matter if the skin is paper thin,

Strike gold and let the river of crimson flow,

Let it surface and slide down painfully slow…

End it.

There was a moment, a single moment where everything seemed to stop, she did not move, breath, think, shake, cry, or scream. She sat there emotionless as if she'd already died without a single drop of blood falling at all…but she already was dead. She hadn't been alive for awhile, when the razor cold surface first met with her warm blood…she died there and then.

The calm before the storm

Then as if someone had clicked their fingers and started it all once more, Starfire blinked and her grasp on the bird-a-rang tightened considerably, she then brought down the blade down onto her skin, if it could tell her its words it would be screaming, it had been through this so many times…maybe it would be relieved that this would be the last.

She grit her teeth as the cold metal bit at her skin, she felt the skin puncture and she inhaled a deep shuddering breath, her eyes looking skyward. She then looked down on her arm, she let the bird-a-rang linger on her flesh for a moment before her eyes narrowed considerably and she dragged the blade across her arm, the skin split slowly, she bit her lip lightly, she paused at the edge of her arm, she made sure that blood surfaced before lifting the weapon from her wrist. Red liquid dribbled down her arm, warm blood feeling strange on her cold skin.

She swapped hands with ease, she was well practiced on this ritual, if you do one arm…you might as well do the other. She dug the blade in harder time, she felt the blade push through her muscle, rip the ligaments, she flinched as she faintly felt her vein beneath the blade, she took a breath and sliced through, her eyes growing lighter as so much blood poured from the wound, it dripped onto the white sheet, it stained her skin with faded red, it hurt so badly but she couldn't care at all. It felt so good knowing that her life was dripping from her one drop at a time.

TT

Robin swerved down a small road, he saw a sign ahead of him it was in curvy lettering, and it read WILSONS so he knew he was in the right place. It looked open, a bouncer was at the door and he saw a couple leave, both laughing and smiling together. His eyes narrowed. How dare they laugh. He skidded the bike and climbed off, ripping off his helmet. He walked towards the door, ignoring the bouncer completely.

"Hey kid, you're not getting in here." The bouncer said gruffly.

"Wanna try and stop me?" Robin growled, clenching his fists. The man stepped forward, reaching for his jacket, Robin guessed a gun automatically. He threw out his leg and hit the man's hand away from his jacket. Robin shook his head at the man. "I don't like guns." The man scowled and reached again, so Robin leapt up and pulled into a spin kick, hitting the man in the face twice, he flew to the ground, out cold. Robin shook his head again.

"Amateur."

Robin threw open the doors and stepped inside, taking in the people gathered, they all looked pretty…dodgy, that was the only word he could use really. He looked around, as if challenging them. He then saw them all start to pull out different weapons, knives, daggers, gun, and even a few swords. Robin then brought out his bo-staff and twirled between his fingers.

"I pretty pissed off tonight guys…so bring it on."

TT

Cyborg placed a white sheet over Raven's body, covering her completely. He couldn't look anymore, her face looked so lifeless, he couldn't come to terms with it…a titan was dead, and the other seemed halfway there when they'd last saw her. He leant against the wall, tears falling freely from his human eye. He looked over to Beastboy, he didn't look any better than he was, he was bent over in chair, his head in his hands, and he was shaking violently sometimes shaking his head.

"Beastboy…we gotta call the authorities." Cyborg said quietly. Beastboy looked up.

"And tell them what? That Raven the teen titan starved herself we never noticed her doing it?" Beastboy said darkly. "Like they'd believe us..." Beastboy paused. "What…what if they blame us?"

"We're heroes Beastboy, why would they blame us?"

"Heroes! Raven was a hero Cyborg! Starfire was a hero and look at them, I'd say we're all only human but they weren't, they were more than that, and they still did was the weakest of humans do when they've had enough, Raven is DEAD, how many heroes starve themselves to death? How many heroes cut themselves? How many heroes throw up everything until they start coughing up blood Cyborg!"

Beastboy gave a cry of anguish and threw his fists into a wall, denting it slightly.

"Heroes aren't above the law Cyborg, they could blame us for this, put us in prison anything. Heroes are just normal people with one power to help people, but we still have fears, we still have weaknesses, and we still have those moments where…where we just need to cry! And…I wish Raven knew that…before…just before."

Beastboy beat against the wall again, tears running down his cheeks unchecked, not bothering to wipe them away his carried on hitting the wall. Cyborg went to him and pulled him away, Beastboy turned and beat against Cyborg's chest. Cyborg took it, he just held Beastboy there, letting him hit him, letting him cry, letting himself cry.

"Why Cyborg why!" He cried. He hit him again, still feeling the need to hurt something. "Why her? Why them? Why us?" Beastboy then collapsed against his large friend, letting the tears take over him, Cyborg wrapped his arms around the small boy, and they were practically brothers, and like brother they'd share this, they'd share their pain, because…because they needed too.

TT

Her arms were red now…her skin covered with her own blood, her eyes were glazed over, to caught up in herself now, too caught up in her self harm, the sheet around her was blotted with red, her face had splatters across it, her hair was matted around her body, covering her skin, she'd moved off her arms now, they'd been drawn on enough. He moved to her legs, she sliced quickly, slowly, short cuts, long drawn out cuts. Words littered her body. Her face was frozen in the pain and the need to do it again. She wrote in a few choice words.

I NEVER SCREAMED was carved into her right arm.

MY SMILE IS DEAD was carved into her left.

She gave an anguished sigh of pain as she carved I'M SORRY on her upper arm.

She wouldn't flinch as she carved RIPPED TO SHREDS on her abdomen.

She should've died by now; she wished she had, but the mere drive of needing to carve these things into her skin as keeping her alive. Noticing the line I NEVER SCREAMED on her arm she broke it by giving a mighty scream, almost a howl of so many feelings clashing now, she screamed in shame, she screamed in pain, she screamed because she could, she screamed in the anger.

She stopped now, she shook violently, and her body was damaged beyond healing now, her mind was gone completely. Her heart was clinging onto life by a thread…and she knew how to break it now. She stood up shakily; she held the bird-a-rang tightly in her hands in front of her, her eyes were filled with every emotion she wanted to make sure she never felt again. She was happy no one here to see her now. She needed to do this alone. She rose her head up to stare ahead of her.

Now she looked almost majestic, her hair flying wildly around her, her eyes bright with emotion, the sheet flowed around her, blotched with red, her cuts still bled with what they had left. Taking a few final breaths she smiled slightly.

"I have cried too many tears…

I have experienced too much pain…

And now I shall never experience any of it again.

Notice my smile X'hal for now I am ready…

I am ready…for the end."

She closed her eyes, still standing, her smile gracing her face for the final time; it was a real smile, small but real. She held out her arms, still clutching the small weapon. Taking a final breath in…but not breathing it out, she counted to three.

1…2…3

Her hands drew themselves in and the weapon was embedded into her stomach, she breathed out slowly, her legs collapsing beneath her, her sheet falling from her body, her scars shining red for all to see. She laid there her hair cushioning her head softly, her small smile still remained. She felt everything fade away; her anger sank through the floor, her pain flooded out with the last drop of blood, her despair with the final tear. She did not breath again but quietly whispered

"The end…"

TT

Robin stood in the middle of the club, perched on a table, his eyes passed over the room, everyone apart from himself was out cold, bodies laying everywhere, on tables, the floor, chairs, some through the window, it didn't matter where they were as long as they weren't bothering him anymore. He noticed a door at the other end of the room, he vaulted through the end, using the hanging lights to swing himself over to it, he threw it open, not caring about the noise he made.

He leapt down the stairs, he came before another door and pushed it open, and he stepped into complete darkness. He couldn't see a thing, in the distance he saw a spotlight, and there was a bundle in the middle of it. He ran to it as fast as his body could carry him, he dropped his bo-staff and skidded to it on his knees.

And his heart stopped

Literally stopped, he couldn't even breath, his eyes were taking in the site before him…and it made his heart want to explode, it made him want to…he didn't even have the words to describe what he was feeling. She was there before him and he couldn't take it in, he couldn't take in anything, not even air.

It seemed an eternity before he took in a breath and that was all it took. A strangled noise came from his throat, as if someone had placed their hands around his neck and was strangling him. He dropped to his knees, tears slipped from the mask and down his face. He was shaking violently, almost convulsing, he breathed in through clenched teeth and made another strangled cry. He placed his hands on the ground, and tried to control himself but he couldn't even do that.

"No…" He choked out; taking another breath he looked at her and his heart lurched again. He crawled towards her and took her into his arms, he failed to notice the Bird-a-rang still clutched within her fingers, he ignored the blood that dripped from her body to his, he moved the hair from his facer and he had to stuff a fist into his mouth to stop himself from screaming. He clutched her to him, slightly rocking back and forth taking breaths in but they came out like cries of pain…because that's what they were.

"Starfire…" He whispered into her hair. "Star come back." He held onto her tighter, his eyes screw shut, his teeth clenched, his tears fell from his face onto hers, but it didn't change anything. She was gone forever and all he had of her now was her blood on his body and her body with her small smile and her pale skin. "Come back to me…I love you Star, I need you to love me."

He took another shuddering breath, but every breath made his body ache, he didn't want to breathe, he didn't want to talk anymore, it hurt to damn much. "How could you do this to yourself?" He whispered into her face, he pressed his cheek against her, trying to take in what was left of her presence. Robin suddenly felt another presence with him, but he didn't look up, he didn't need to.

"Looks beautiful doesn't she…"

TT

They'd calmed themselves slightly. Beastboy had stopped beating against things, he'd even ran out of tears, he just sat there now, staring ahead of him, not even watching as Cyborg paced in front of him.

"What are we going to do?" He asked suddenly. Beastboy didn't answer him, he simply stared ahead. "I mean they're going to blame us for this, the chemicals I used should've save her, they only didn't because of her demon side was blocking them, but the police won't know that, they'll assume we let her die! And that's man slaughter, Beastboy damn it! Answer me!"

Beastboy looked up suddenly, his face devoid of all emotion. "The only thing we can do." He said almost emotionless. "We leave Cy…and we forget everything to do with everything from the last four years."

"What?" Cyborg said in disbelief.

"You heard me…we leave…now and we never come back."

TT

Robin didn't move, he couldn't, he couldn't let go of her body against his, and Robin still rocked back and forth, breathing deeply, flinching every time. Slade stood before him, he seemed unaffected by what he had encouraged, he'd told her to end it all, he'd told her to cut herself up…it was all him.

"How does it feel Robin? Is your heart thumping so hard you feel like its going to rip out your chest? Does your mind want to scream so loud she can hear you where ever she is now?"

"You know nothing of what I'm feeling Slade."

"How does it feel Robin?" Slade continued ignoring Robin's statement. "Knowing that you'll never speak to her again, knowing that she was dead before she met you, she could never care for you like you did her Robin…she was too caught up in herself, to caught up in the knife..."

"Shut up." Robin growled. Still Slade carried on.

"You almost knew, those times she hid in her room, and wouldn't let you in, those times where her eyes looked oh so dull and you chose not you act…you could of saved her Robin…but you didn't."

"SHUT UP!" Robin roared, he stood up, Starfire's body at his feet. "SHUT UP SHUT UP! SHE'S DEAD SLADE! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH? YOU…YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED…" His face fell into his hands as he tried to stop the hopeless sobs that rose up from his throat. "She's…gone…just leave me alone, you've done enough."

"The say I've done enough is when every titan lies in their cold grave…the day I'm done is when the city weeps for their dead titans, the day I'm done is the day this city will cower in fear of my with no one to protect them…just like your precious Starfire did. She cried at my feet, cowered before me."

Silence

Silence covered the room almost like a smoke, neither men moved, neither men spoke, Robin's breathing grew heavier, his tears slowly stopped, his body started to shake, not in despair but in anger…Robin…had lost his mind.

He slowly raised his head from his hands, Robin slowly raised a single hand and tore his mask from his face, and Slade looked on in confusion as Robin revealed his icy blue eyes, they were filled with so much anger it was a wonder they didn't overflow. Robin's fists started to clench, then unclench. He dropped his mask to the floor next to his love's body; he stepped around her, to stand directly in front of Slade.

"You…you don't even deserve words…so you won't get any." Robin said flatly. "I don't need weapons…I don't even need a mask, I'll use my hands and my eyes…will be the last thing you see."

Slade didn't even get to react to this, because before he could even comprehend Robin's words Robin was in front of him, his fist hitting Slade's mask with such a force that Slade was thrown into the darkness. Slade looked around him and saw nothing; he couldn't even hear Robin move before a foot struck his chest, a rib cracked beneath the pressure. Slade was pushed further into the darkness, he then heard a yell from his left, it was almost like a primal scream before a barrage of fists flew at Slade, Slade was pushed to the ground, crying out was every fist and foot hit him.

A heavy kick was delivered to his side, and then once more to his arm, a hand reached out and grabbed the arm, twisting it until it gave a sickening crack. Slade screamed, abandoning his mysterious and powerful aura. Robin leant in to whisper.

"You always said I was too weak…by killing you I'll be proving you wrong one and for all."

"You've gone insane Robin." Slade growled as Robin dug his mask into the floor.

Robin's reply was final. "I know."

Slade was dragged to his feet, they dangled dangerous above the ground, and Robin then dropped him, but kicked him before he could hit the ground. Slade couldn't protect himself in this darkness, and he couldn't even feel Robin never mind hit him. Robin leapt at Slade again fists pounded into Slade's mask, hit after hit after hit after hit. Robin's cried of anger echoed throughout the large room, the darkness almost grew darker with every punch as Slade mask grew closer and close to breaking.

He punched and he punched, he tore the gloves from his hands, to feel every hit, blood seeped through the breathing gaps and the eye whole. He punched again and the mask cracked, blood splattered onto Robin's face, he ignored it, he was too far gone now. A sickening crack finally alerted him to something...something he would live with forever...he'd killed Slade.

TT

When the police officers finally got to the Club Wilson's to say the least they were surprised. They found the dead and mutilated body of Teen Titan Starfire. They found the body of criminal mastermind Slade, his mask was crushed into his face, and they'd have to do DNA tests to finally find the real identity. They then found Robin, his mask was abandoned, and blood covered his body completely. He sat in the middle of the spotlight, holding Starfire's body to his desperately. He rocked back and forth, tears running down his bare and bloody face. They came to their conclusions and did the only thing they could.

They arrested Robin of murder

Their evidence? A bloody bird-a-rang in the victim's Starfire's hand, and the fact that Robin had gone completely insane, he wouldn't let go of the girl's body, no matter how hard they tried, until specialists got their they just had to leave her in his arms.

When officers arrived at Titan's tower they only found two things. A huge pile of rubber, mainly what was left of Titan's Tower and a bed with the Teen Titan Raven's body on it. Tests concluded she'd starved herself until her body's system ate itself, no chemicals had been found, meaning the remaining Titans had let this happen. But they are no where to be found. It was a case of murder and man slaughter. But the main thing…

The Titans…were practically dead.

_THE END_

TT

**Word count: 5,325 **

**OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG…**

**Don't mind me**

**OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG…**

**ITS OVER! AND I KILLED OR MADE INSANE OR MADE MISSING EVERYONE! **

**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? O.O**

**Anywho **

**I can't believe this is over, and as you can see…there will be no sequel…sorry guys!**

**Okay! cracks fingers now for the hard part! Reviewer answers and if I don't get BIG reviews for this, come on people I want you to ramble until you cry! You know unless you're crying already from the story… **

**Answers:**

**D-I-WaRrIa****: awww Lari my friend, you've been through it all! You've had questions asked; you've handled my ebul moments of snippets and cliffhangers…YOU DESERVE A MEDAL:glomps: I love you girl and thanks you enjoying this so much!**

**X**

**RobxStar4eva****: I always love it when writers I admire enjoy my work, it makes me feel like I'm giving something back to them, so thanks for reading this! And update soon you nutter you! **

**X**

**Crimson Black****: Sorry if it ended a bit fast, but for me, if I end it somewhere it's ended, I hate dragging things out, as you can see from this 10 chapter story lol thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**X**

**gotc147****: Well done for guessing I was going to kill Raven…but did you guess I was going to kill practically EVERYONE! O.O lol thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**X**

**TheQueenofSerpents****: Another one whose been at the end of my rants! Lol thanks for reading and reviewing! And for the personal support! **

**X**

**Sonamyfan****: lol poor everyone now! Lol thanks for your reviews and for reading!**

**X**

**Shade Spitfire****: Well it's the end! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**X**

**sugar high water uma****: sorry about all the sadness! But thank you for everything!**

**X**

**StarSoSweet****: aw shucks, I'm not that good a writer, I've seen better, but thank you anyway, that's really nice of you to say!**

**X**

**sTaRfIrExrObIn****: Well no more cliffhangers! Cuz it's the end! Thanks for everything!**

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**AudiGirl****: lol aren't we just some happy writers! Killing off everyone lol thanks for everything, now update for me!**

**X**

**SashaJay****: lol thanks for reading and reviewing and of course enjoying! **

**X**

**the Phoenix master****: yet another whose been at the end of my rants! Lol thanks for everything!**

**X**

**StarrGoddess****: Here have a hanky! Lol thanks for everything.**

**X**

**Violet Poter****: I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Sorry about the sadness! Thanks for everything**

**X**

**Shady Crow****: lol thanks for reviewing and reading! I appreciate it!**

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**Driretlan: Well now you've got a few more people to pay your respects to! Thanks for everything!**

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**HeartAngel****: please don't curse me O.O thanks for everything!**

**X**

**Graciously Taken: thanks!**

**IF I'VE MISSED YOU OUT I'M REEEEEEEAAAALLLLYYY SORRY! But I only answered the reviews from the last chapter, but I do LOVE every review I get! I swear I can't believe this is the end:tears up: thank you for everything, now please review and check out my other works!**

**Love you all! **

**Valda**

**X**


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